Moving on - life transitions

[Boatsetsailrose]

Hello
So - after waking up to my low esteem / worth - co dependence issues and emotional availability / relationship problems - I then looked at my fiancée and felt 'I don't want to be with him anymore ..
Other problems in the relationship validated this and so I ended things ..
Whilst I feel good about my decision and where I am at - today I feel sad and a sense of sadness and loss / that alone feeling..
I have just been to his to move some of my belongings and it was really hard - I couldn't breathe -
I really did think he was 'the one' and is was hence we were together 4 yrs and friends before that -

Today it's ok to be sad - I'm not using drugs or alcohol or food - ( just a small dose anti depressant -
I feel in the best place I have ever felt due to recovery yet I do feel frightened a lot of the time --

Social anxiety is a big one for me - I find it really hard to be around most people - if not all - but I know as I focus in and use the tools I've learnt I'll be ok -
Intimacy with others is something I want now even though I hyperventilate ... Practice practice hey

So just for today I allow all these feelings and get support and be compassionate with myself -
My inner critic will try and have a little go but no - awareness is there - outer critic will try and isolate me - but no awareness aids me

Just for today self worth comes from me and that is a good place to start - ...
And so the journey continues to pastures new ....

[Dutch Uncle]

 

Breaking up is just so hard to do. I can relate. I'm sorry for your loss. 

I feel in the best place I have ever felt due to recovery yet I do feel frightened a lot of the time --

It speaks for your courage and character that you are able to validate both feelings. At the same time no less. I take off my hat for you, ma'am.

[arpy1]

well done  to you Boatsetsailrose, for looking after yourself so well and doing what was right for you even tho it's hard.  that took a lot of courage.   

[Boatsetsailrose]

Thank you Dutch uncle and arpy1
Courage yes that is true - I didn't think of that