How to ground/sooth/comfort yourself

[Convalescent]

Does anybody have any tips on how to ground/sooth/comfort yourself? I've been constantly triggered for a month or so now, and I have a very hard time calming down and grounding myself. Well, not just now, it's something I've been trying to work on for some while (Not that long since I began to work on my trauma-related injuries). I've tried meditative music, or meditation, I've tried using a teddy-bear from my childhood (I don't have all that memories connected to it, but at least it's an artifact, or something physical), I've tried music, I've tried sensing, or mindfullness, I've tried talking to other people, I've tried thought stopping... so far it's not been very helpful. Talking to other people (very few can actually reach out to me when I'm in this state) has helped a few times, and thought has helped me a little bit. And I try to find out what I need. Like, right now. What do I need to come back into my window of tolerance. Or, what do I need, period. But it's very very hard.
The one thing that helped me the most, perhaps, was a written down "safe-place" in the form of a memory, that I made with my therapist. But I lost it some time ago, and I haven't been in that state of mind to make it again

I stress, torture myself, intellectualize, and worry constantly, and it's so terribly hard to calm down. I torture myself in any way thinkable, and it's *. And self-care is so hard. I managed it to a great extent a couple of years ago... when I first discovered that I had C-PTSD. I was surrounded by good and safe people in a hospital. I remember thinking along the lines of... "it's an achievement (in lack of a better word) that I've accomplished to live through this life of mine, to this point. That I've managed to survive it all. It's been so god damn awful". Well, that faded away when I came back home, and faced the world again. I visited a friend of mine some months ago, and I got that similar feeling of relaxation and home... but it didn't last.

I miss that feeling so much... the calmness, the accepting of yourself, the self-care, the feeling of being a friend of yourself. That feeling that you're beginning to heal.

[Butterfly]

If you're in the middle of a flashback then there's a list here on page 3 that might help:
http://www.pete-walker.com/pdf/flashbackManagement.pdf

When not in flashback what helps is doing all those different things but in very tiny increments of time. Don't expect to meditate or practice peaceful mindfulness for long at first. If you can only manage to focus for one minute then do one minute and build from there.

For me in the middle of flashback rolling in a ball wrapped in a blanket in the dark make me feel safe. Whatever the inner child needs during time of flashback to feel safe. Sometimes I stayed like that for hours. As time went on I was able to do mindfulness or deep breathing for a 2-3 minutes if in flashback only after self soothing. Sometimes during self soothing would help too.

After some time flashbacks were less and if I felt unsteady I was able to practice calming techniques before flashback. By then I was able to recognize them. It's been a journey and one step at a time.

[Suzane72]

Hi, I'm a newbie here and I try and read helpful comments & forum topics. I have ADHD, the milder form of manic depressive, complex PTSD, anxiety, & depression. I'm 54. I started noticing depression symptoms when I graduated from college. I realized I couldn't show ppl a paper with straight A's anymore or be the best at a school task. A boy I hoped to date told me not to ever get fat and guess what...yep, I gained 30 lbs. I for some reason, have never met anyone with a similar diagnosis. All the friends I've had have always been pretty normal. Or at least they won't share??!!  I have always spilled my guts to people trying to get acceptance for why I'm so weird. Of course, a lot of them are just weirded out & don't know what to do with my info. I mainly just counseled & took meds for depression & eventually anxiety in the past 24 years. The PTSD diagnosis was just given to me in the past 3-4 years. ADHD in the past 8 years. I still haven't found what I've always wanted..a close friend who would try & understand & encourage me. Most friends just take advantage of my people pleaser personality.
I'm always hurt and angry when friends don't treat me as well as I would have treated them. Then I go into flashback and it will take a week or longer to feel better but I still don't know what I should expect from people nor how to Stan up for myself when I feel slighted.
I hope by reading more of your stories I will get a renewed sense of hope and learn how to be kind but still not just allow disrespectful behavior from others. And not feel as though I need to drop every person that has upset me several times.
Thanks for listening

[Lifecrafting]

Convalescent, while reading this, I found myself identifying with your inability to ground - to calm down in order to help yourself and also with the torture of obsessive thoughts and whatever else may come up... well, I understand that feeling too. Thanks for posting

I know you're in a tough spot right now and I don't mean to take away from your post (if I am, please tell me; I'm having a hard time figuring out the difference between contributing and stomping all over someone...) Anyway... if you can't answer this, I understand. But if you can...or if anyone can... I could use some help here myself ~ a PM would be fine.

The one thing that helped me the most, perhaps, was a written down "safe-place" in the form of a memory, that I made with my therapist. But I lost it some time ago, and I haven't been in that state of mind to make it again

I have never been able to find "a safe place" for myself; do you recall how you found that safe place for yourself?

I stress, torture myself, intellectualize, and worry constantly, and it's so terribly hard to calm down. I torture myself in any way thinkable, and it's *.

I completely identify with this as well. To be aware of what I'm capable of doing to myself or what I will allow to be done to me... scary... so scary; as you said, *.
I feel for you here in a big way; I hope you get what you need and can relax a little very soon.

Big hugs to you Convalescent

[KayFly]

Convalescent,

I'm sorry you are having trouble with this. I have a hard time remembering to Self Soothe and sometimes let my anxiety get ahead of me.

I have been reminded throughout the years about the DBT approach or Dialectical Behavioral Therapy of ways to Self Soothe using your 5 senses. You may have had some of these things suggested to you, and they may have not worked before, but trust you can find certain things to help, and you will find more ease the more you practice like "thought stopping" as you said, or small spurts of meditation... They also teach us to Distract, Improve the Moment, and Focus on the Pros and Cons (or be Mindful)

Here is a link I found with examples of self soothing activities: http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/self-sooth.html

I have a similar handouts from DBT classes that my T gave me, on Self Soothing and the techniques I mentioned above.

Unfortunately,  self care doesn't often come naturally for us with CPTSD, and we tend to forget. But I know that, getting ahead of my anxiety (like taking my medicine before my anxiety spins out of control), makes me feel better, eating when I am hungry, picking up after myself in the house. Small things, that are self soothing, or practicing self care, are maybe not the first thing we think of, but when I do these things, I feel better and the more I practice them, the more they become second nature

I have my favorite soothing techniques, such as a bath with lavender essential oil, or other essential oils, eating something sweet, doing my nails, listening to music, having tea, learning guitar, singing, sometimes writing, and if I am in a really bad EF, just breathing to try and get through the moment.  (maybe that website above will help a bit with Improving the Moment stuff)

Also here is a link to a very smart man that someone awesome posted on this site somewhere, and I found the other day about CPTSD and Meditation:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wVG_H5olyQ

I appreciate you sharing. This made me pull out all my DBT handouts and remind myself of self soothing, which I have particularly needed to practice and improve upon practicing more consistently.

I hope some of this helped.  And also, the link that Butterfly shared, I have printed out so I can take it with me at all times right now, because I am just now learning to manage flashbacks. I'm no pro, but what Pete Walker suggests, is very helpful.

Feel better. Take care,

Best
K

[Cocobird]

I love to read, to this is what works for me. When I'm getting more and more worked up, to stop and reset my mood I grab a book I really like, go to a coffee house, and read for a couple of hours. When I go back home, I have calmed myself down.