Holidays

[Kizzie]

It's ironic, how our FOO affect us differently and yet we end up in the same place - CPTSD.  I do not like to go all out any more because my NPDM made every holiday such an intense, pressure filled extravaganza of decorating, feasting, family gatherings which may have looked good but underneath - anger, tension, drama.  Yuk, yuk, yuk! 

We used to go all out for our son but he is off at university and is content with a more subdued XMas when he comes home.

Nowadays my H and I are quite happy to maybe put up a tree, have a lovely XMas dinner out and call it a day - so much less tension and pressure!  I am NC with my extended FOO and NPDB and LC with my NPDM so it's easy to do. We've actually talked about going south and skipping XMas altogether.

Will your FOO be hoovering when you don't go all out do you think?  That can be difficult at first because of their expectations.

[Kizzie]

Getting rid of the holidaze - we really have to include this under self-care      

[schrödinger's cat]

"Holidaze" is a good word.

Dh and I will probably try to dodge both our FOOs this Christmas, which won't be easy... simply emigrating to a tropical island isn't practicable, unfortunately...

[keepfighting]

This is my third holiday season 'new style' coming up.

No Halloween here, Christmas is the biggest holiday of the year (we have festivities from 24th through 26th).

First year, frankly, I felt totally dispirited: Instead of a large number of people on three different days there would only the four of us. It felt like neither decorating nor cooking nor baking --- nor the frantic house cleaning because of the people who'd be spending a week in our home... Even the idea of the small number of Christmas presents that would be lying under the tree depressed me.

We discussed it as a family and decided to have a quiet Christmas - just our little FOC - and rent a cottage where we could spend the new year celebrations with some friends and their kids.

We also broke with the traditional meals and instead all of us came up with ideas what each felt would make for a nice Christmas brunch and dinner and we all helped get it ready. No frantic cleaning, just the normal stuff, and we also rediscussed the decorations. 

After the three days of Christmas, both kids said that it was the 'best Christmas ever'. When I asked why that was they answered: "This time, it was about us." --- That's when I realized that in my frantic attempts to please the (...no nice word for them springs to mind...) of my FOO who don't even appreciate it (!) I forgot to make it about us.

So, that's really all I want to say to you: Make these holidays about you. Whether you go to the Bahamas or hang around in your pyjamas all day doesn't matter as long as you can enjoy the spirit of the holiday and find peace in your heart. Maybe not as ideal as the romantic Christmas songs suggest - but also a whole lot better than the endless hassle and demands and put downs that holidays with many FOOs actually look and feel like.

[globetrotter]

Feeling blessed that my best family has been a gathering of friends, most often at my house, for the holidays.
In my 20s, my mother declared she was no longer cooking for the holidays. Rather than taking over, I started my own tradition. Everyone brings something so I'm not burdened with all of the cooking, and it's SOOO much fun 100x over anything I grew up with. Sometimes best holidays arise from defining a new family.
Take care -

[schrödinger's cat]

thanks for saying that.    I was telling it to myself most of all, because I kept on chasing a dream and it never came true.

[Kizzie]

So, that's really all I want to say to you: Make these holidays about you. Whether you go to the Bahamas or hang around in your pyjamas all day doesn't matter as long as you can enjoy the spirit of the holiday and find peace in your heart. Maybe not as ideal as the romantic Christmas songs suggest - but also a whole lot better than the endless hassle and demands and put downs that holidays with many FOOs actually look and feel like.

Really well said Keep Fighting   

[zenfox]

This year (like last year) I will be escaping Christmas by running off to the country for a meditation retreat. Gone no contact with FOO couple of years ago and no partner or close friends to speak of, so its that or spend it at home by myself.

I found it very healing....winter being a time to let go of the old to welcome in the new and all that. And the people were friendly, so it was nice.

[Kizzie]

A meditation retreat sounds lovely Zenfox, whereabouts if you don't mind me asking?

We will be staying home for Christmas, but my son is coming home from university so we're really excited about that as we live on the opposite coast and don't get to see much of him at all. And this year my NPDM is spending XMas with my NPDB so it's just us and we couldn't be happier - no pressure, no having to manage all her PD behaviours (they really ramp up at XMas or any holiday for that matter), just our little FOC enjoying the holidays together. 

[schrödinger's cat]

We don't celebrate it in my country, but happy Thanksgiving? Is that what one wishes? I hope all overseas members have a lovely day full of turkey, peace, friendship, and hot chocolate.    We're baking Christmas cookies today, because this Sunday, we're going to light the first candle on our advent wreath, and that necessitates Christmas cookies and a hot drink.

[Rain]

Thanks, Cat!  Gobble, Gobble!

Yes.   Happy Thanksgiving is the well wishes here in the States.

Ah, Christmas cookies ...these look yummy!!!!   Do you make the speculaas ones too?

http://www.marthastewart.com/343667/speculaas-cookies

[schrödinger's cat]

They're lovely, but we don't have the forms you'd need, and they look complicated to make. We might make these, these and these, because they're quick and easy, and last year I made brownies, cutting them into circles, and decorating them a bit. Huge success, and it's very quick to make. And then I'll cheat by buying some ready-made cookies and adding them to the plate. Rather, no: it's not cheating, it's efficiency. Vorsprung durch Technik and all that. Ahum.

[Sandals]

Happy Thanksgiving to my American friends! We celebrate in October, but y'all have me craving some turkey. 

[Kizzie]

Note - This thread has been edited to remove a member's posts at their request which is why it may read a little oddly. I have also edited the member's name out of our posts, but have not edited them in any other way.

Kizzie

[Indigochild]

I know I'm late to this thread, but never mind, had a lot of stressful stuff going on before christmas.

BeHea1thy- what you said struck me and was just what i needed to hear:
Turning that corner on your first holiday since diagnosis (or enlightenment) is always a challenge. It's gonna be new & different,  regardless of what you do.
It is. This year was strange not spending it with my dad. The FOO have not had it together for ages since parents divorced.
It would have been super hard going back home to dads-, its not home, and its stressful enough with the grief I feel, spending it away from him and not seeing my sister etc. due to all the family issues.
This year it was new and different and I guess it will continue to be so until the christmas period is over.  It will be new and different- i knew this, but i feel sad. I need to remember this. Thanks and i hope everyone did have a good thanksgiving no matter what you did.