Maybe I'm just doomed 😞

[Gkmoneer]

Those of you who have read my posts know some background. Those of you who don't will get the gist by reading the story.  Today he spent a large majority of the day talking about his ex. And referring too me as his friend. I want to be more than just his friend. I'm afraid to open that wound again we had this talk on Christmas Day (about 2 months in) that he works slowly and with the recent loved one's death. And that he wasn't sure if he was over his ex. He wasn't relationship ready. So many times tonight I wanted to ask him what would happen if she was no longer a part of his life. And then I really wanted to ask him what would happen if I was no longer part of his life. I want to be respectful of his wishes. At the same time I have things I'm needing and far too often I forget that. Ugh why can't I just tell him this why do I cave and mouse around him. Why am I so afraid he will reject me. If I could just be away from him and not have to see him anymore I'd walk away (although I probably wouldn't). But we share the same circle of friends and dear ones, so it is slightly more complicated. I'm kinda lost here and in for another sleepless night. I promised myself that I'd give it six months but I never clearly stated when that started. I guess I go by when we had the I'm not relationship ready talk. That would also give me time in my new treatment course. To begin working my own stuff out. So do I give it till June or do I buck up my courage and ask him the hard questions? In all honesty I'm probably needing to be further in my therapy before I do that so that I have better coping mechanisms. Help any insight is appreciated!

[sanmagic7]

gk, it sounds like you answered your own question when you said that you think you may need to be farther along in your own recovery before you ask the hard questions.  i think one of the most difficult things for us to do is to have patience - patience with ourselves, patience with the process of recovery, and patience with ourselves in the midst of that process.

if he said he's not ready for a relationship, my thought is that he would know that better than anyone.   i'd respect that, but that's just my opinion.  it may be a good idea, then, to take the focus off him and put it back on yourself for a bit.  sometimes we allow others to distract us from what we need to be doing for us.  we need to be 'relationship ready' as well, and the only way to do that is to continue exploring our own issues, and let him/others explore their own.  then, if the time is right and it's meant to be, it'll happen.

keep taking care of you.  i know this will work out the way it's supposed to.