Any Other Alcoholics Out There?

[GettingThere]

This Tuesday I celebrated one month of sobriety. The day after, I had a very strong impulse to get drunk, which I'm still struggling with today. It's like my mind thinks: You've been sober for a month! You deserve a drink, you haven't had one in so long! But I know that if I have one drink, it will turn into downing a bottle of red wine as fast as I can... Any advice?

[mourningdove]

I had a serious alcohol problem for several years, and I remember having that line of thought so often: "I just stayed sober for X amount of time; I'll celebrate by having  drink!" That was never a good idea for me.

I don't know that I have any advice, but just want to say that I can definitely relate. Sobriety can be soooo difficult. Congratulations on going a month, GettingThere!   

[Kizzie]

Well done Getting There, a month is definitely cause to celebrate.   Sorry to hear you are struggling     Maybe you could celebrate with something else like see a funny movie or go shopping and buy something as a treat?  Both are distracting and positive.

Having been there I am rooting for you!   

[GettingThere]

Thanks for the support both of you  I didn't drink today! Just stayed home and watched movies. Phew! One day at a time I guess

[Kizzie]

Well done you! 

[Butterfly]

One day at a time. Keep it up!

[Boatsetsailrose]

Yes all common in the beginning - for me I now have 6 yrs sober and work 12 step programme in AA
Keep going and I would recommend getting a spiritual programme to help ( but u may have that already
Best wishes

[stellajames]

Hi, wow, self-medicating saved my life -- until it quit working. Alcohol was my best friend, I knew I was alcoholic and didn't really care, not realizing the danger I was on the roads, not realizing people who love me were very concerned.

I drank on and off for 40 years. I drank sometimes a bit less, often times more than a 5th of vodka or brandy a night, always saving some for my 4 a.m. terror/high anxiety rude wake-ups. I was alcoholic from my first drink at 13 years old. I blacked out, threw up and reached for the glass as soon as I came out of the bathroom.

I am extremely lucky to have my health, to have not killed anyone, wound up in prison or an institution or dead.

Alcohol is the only drug that can kill one during withdrawal. Alcoholics rarely survive more than one experience with DTs. Go to an ER to quit, most hospitals have behavioral health units for detoxing safely if you can't afford rehab (I couldn't).

Then I found I have a severe blood disorder that causes vicious anxiety, fear, constant thoughts of death -- mine, too, but mostly of those I love. I have since starting smoking marijuana. If I don't get a little respite from 24-hour sickness (and I get physically ill, too), I can't eat, I can't rest. I can't meditate. I pace and I weep. So anxious I can't concentrate on reading, working.

I'm now on medication that is helping, and also vitamins and minerals compounded specifically to my body, my disorder (Pyrroles Disorder). It's expensive, and scary to know that soon I will not be able to afford to fill these prescriptions. But I can't worry about that now, I have to breathe, stay in the moment -- much easier to say than do when I'm "insane". The marijuana -- I'm not advising or recommending ANY drugs to ANYONE -- I am speaking for myself only -- kicks in and I can physically feel the anxiety lift.

All three of these medicines, the anti-anxiety, the compounds and the marijuana, are saving my life. The anxiety is easing, it's lighter every day, and now, instead of smoking pot all day, I can wait until evening, when the anxiety over possibly having anxiety (nothing to fear but fear itself) starts in.

I sleep easily -- until around 3 a.m., when I always wake. Doing a sleep study. Seeing a Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner who understands marijuana is a medicine -- though I can't get a medical marijuana card because Iive in the most conservative state in the country -- she is amazing. Just started (one time) seeing a counselor trained in EMDR. I've been through talk therapy, CBT, nothing worked.

I've had this anxiety since I was 10 years old. I'm turning 66 in four days.

The new counselor, I don't know about her yet. I told her I don't believe in a god, I never will believe in a god. I said, "I'm a Pagan Buddhist. No god in Buddhism, and the seasons of the forests..." she said, as if she hadn't listened to a thing I said, "You can find god in nature." I HAVE NO INTEREST IN FINDING GOD. THERE IS NO GOD as far as I'm concerned. I'm not putting it down, I begged god, I prayed to god when I was 10, just a little girl, and got no response, no ease from anxiety and vomiting. And I stopped believing. I was so frightened.

Now, WHATEVER WORKS, if it won't kill me, is what I do.

I have been sober nearly 13 years, going to AA 90/90 in the beginning. Now I can't take the religion of it any longer. I go occasionally. Don't pick up! Go to as many meetings as possible. Congratulations on one month, you can do this! If I quit drinking, ANYBODY can!

When you feel like drinking, don't think how good it'll taste/feel. Follow it through. Will you stop after your celebratory drink? Will you wind up in jail? Will you wind up drunk at work or with your children? How will you feel when you wake and realize, "I did it again."

Bright Blessings of healing to all.

[sanmagic7]

stella, just wanted to weigh in w/ a 'good for you'!  i'm also sober about 20 yrs..

i've also been the AA route, and, while i find much of it helpful for the addiction itself, i also found it lacking for the c-ptsd components.  that higher power that so many refer to as god has been various people, places, and things for me during the years.  find your own sense of what helps you - it doesn't have to be named anything if you don't want it to.  i also find peace and beauty in the forest.

i'm with you on doing what works - i'm 72 - and at this stage of the game,  quality of life is, to my mind, of major importance.  i'm glad you found some meds that have helped - i have, too - and i'll stay with them as long as they continue helping me function in my life.  after all, i still have things to do while i'm here.

to you for your sobriety.  one day at a time, indeed! i hope it works out w/ your new t, and she gets off the god kick.  hope she respects your beliefs, and keeps hers to herself in that area.  love and hugs to you!

[Kizzie]

When you feel like drinking, don't think how good it'll taste/feel. Follow it through. Will you stop after your celebratory drink? Will you wind up in jail? Will you wind up drunk at work or with your children? How will you feel when you wake and realize, "I did it again."

This absolutely Stella!  I am lucky enough not to crave alcohol much, I only get the urge when I am badly triggered and fortunately that is not all that often these days.  When it happens though I do exactly what you described and it has stopped me for the most part, it's just not worth it to me to ever go through that again. I have given in a couple of times and it served more as a reminder of what doesn't work than anything.  I don't go to meetings because of the whole higher power thing, I find it more helpful to talk here about my trauma and the feelings I've buried and get them out so I am not driven to drink.

Congrats on maintaining your sobriety      

[sigiriuk]

I think it's OK to feel cravings. I am allowed to struggle with cravings.
I think, as Stellajams says, using alcohol is allowed, because it works better than almost anything else...until it doesnt.
It is OK to get triggered, and to have a wall of hypervigilance that takes up most of your energy.

That one thought "I got to stop this"...is the healthy self talking. And it is proof of your life-force that the abusers couldn't destroy.