After a very long time being with someone I am considering marrying.

[Anongirl]

Hi everyone,

Like a lot of you, I have been through the wringer medically (mv accident, learned to walk again, brain damage/spinal cord injury,I lost my sight, 7/8 corneal transplant surgeries) & it didn't help matters with my trauma. I am a pretty resilient person but  after all that, a lot of family pressure to marry & told I was too sick to be with him etc, my mind went numb & for a long time I disassociated on the regular & it was severe.

I'm waaay better & past that severe time now. Here we are more than a decade later...I'm healing now & may be ready to jump into marriage. Yes, intimacy is an issue but we've adapted in our own way & given everything else we work well. I know after this long it will all work out okay. Covid helped in the decision as I'm spending more time etc. Scared? Less so. Is it right away, not sure. He brought it up after awhile & I was thinking about it after Covid.

We've stopped explaining to others, if they think we're together, married, unmarried, seperate  etc ? We let them. We will ALWAYS tell the truth if asked about being married but will not volunteer it. I'm here enough that they can't tell. lol keeps me healthier.

Are you in relationships that are unconventional? Are you planning to marry etc?  Are you married?

Feedback would be great...

Wishing gentle healing to all,
Jasmine

[Jazzy]

Hi, and thank you for the warm wishes.

I think romantic relationships are difficult for a lot of us. I know I struggle a lot in that department, to put it mildly. I used to be married, it didn't go very well, so we separated, and we've both been doing better since then. She had a few of her own issues, but I just couldn't function properly while we were together.

Anyway, with that said. I think it is difficult, but not impossible. If you've been together a while, and you're both ready, then go for it. I wish you all the best, and hope it turns out the way you want it to.

[Three Roses]

I've been married to my h since 1982. In the past it was abusive, but we've ironed out our differences and each of us has gone through healing. I'm glad I stuck it out (although I did leave for a year, but we reconciled about 9 or 10 years ago).

[Bach]

My relationships are unconventional. I have a husband who is lovely and is my best friend but who is more or less asexual. I am very sexual but historically my romantic/sexual relationships were with people with whom I shared passionate love and intense attraction but with whom I had a great deal of trouble getting along in the day to day. Looking back I now understand that, like nearly everyone else I've ever had a close friendship with, these people were all trauma sufferers even if we didn't know it at the time. So when I started dating my husband, a lovely guy who knew tremendous hardship in his life after the age of 11 when his dad lost his job, but had an excellent stable loving foundation up to that point and thus developed into a man capable of empathy and understanding but NOT traumatised, it was such a relief to have an emotionally stable and reliable partner that I tried to ignore the sexual issues. Eventually, though, they were too much and I started seeing someone else, but my husband did not want to break up, and the person I was seeing had a history and circumstances similar to mine, and was neither available nor especially suitable to become my full-time partner. So I stayed with my husband with the agreement that I would discreetly but honestly continue my relationship with my other. It sounds crazy to most people but it has worked well for all of us for many years. It isn't perfect or what I would have consciously sought but I feel fortunate to have found a manageable situation.

[owl25]

Welcome Jasmine  I've been married for over 20 years, to a great person who really loves me and because of that has stuck it out with me when things got tough. We've been through a lot because of my history and the impact it had on me.  I've only been piecing together in the past year that I likely have CPTSD, and it's only been quite recent that everything is starting to really make sense to me. It certainly had a big detrimental impact on our relationship but both of us were/are committed. It's taken couples counselling at various points to keep us together. If I could, I would go back in time and start the couples counselling right from the get go when we first got married. We didn't go until a few years ago for the first time, and a lot of hurts had accumulated on both sides over the years tied to a somewhat dysfunctional dynamic between us (courtesy of my family history, and of course a little of his as well).

I think if things are going well for you both and if you want to marry, then go for it! Knowing that you have CPTSD is half the battle, now things can start to make sense and you have something concrete to work with and talk about with your partner. Both of you can get educated and learn how to handle it as you work on healing. 

[Anongirl]

You're all so kind, generous, thoughtful & sharing with your responses. You've no idea how much it all means to me. This has been decades in the making so I can't thank you enough for showing me all the different spectrums.

I am navigating this site for the first few times & I am not sure how to reply someone's msg directly so I've left an overall msg. If someone could kindly tell me how to do that, it would be very helpful & appreciated.

Thank you for the responses, you've no idea how much your voices matter. It's hard to be understood sometimes & you all make it easy. I don't normally post, I'm more a listener in life  & I've felt comfortable enough to do so. My heart feels so welcomed. It's been awhile...thank you!

[Three Roses]

To send someone a private message, click on the forum member's name. That will bring up their profile page. Then, click on "Send PM". That will bring up another window - compose your message and hit send.   

[Anongirl]

Thank you soooo much!!!!!

[Three Roses]

You're welcome! ❤️