Struggling with anger

[flowerofthewoods]

Background: I was homeless during 2011-12. Last year my husband started renovating our bathroom, and had just about everything go wrong with the project. We've been living without a bathroom for 10 months, and it's still ongoing. We have a three month old baby, so I had to go through most of the pregnancy and recovery without a bathroom.

Over the past ten months I've had numerous crying spells, and gotten into a lot of fights with my husband over the bathroom. Yesterday was especially bad after a storm had knocked out our power, and I felt like my soul was rotting away from being crushed by too much all at once.

When I have these spells, I get irrationally angry at everything. I look at Facebook and hate all my friends for having happy and productive lives. Yesterday I told my husband that, "Living with PTSD is like battling cancer only no one cares." I want to withdraw from my friends, leave my religion, and give up on everything, because no one will ever understand me.

When I was homeless, my extended family told me that I deserved it for not just getting a job, and I was even told that I should get a mortgage to solve all my problems. They really didn't understand how difficult my position was and refused to offer any help. I really hated them and haven't had anything to do with them since, but now when I'm triggered I hate everyone I know. I worry about damaging the friendships that I've built over the past year since moving here, because the bathroom is one big trigger that won't be resolved for at least another month.

[Kizzie]

So much on your plate Flower, I can only imagine you're really feeling angry and overwhelmed right now      Being without a bathroom, recovering from giving birth and being a new mother is a lot.  And then when you have CPTSD the present often triggers the trauma/pain/anger from the past (being homeless, your parents not being supportive) on top of everything. 

Is there anything you (or you and your husband) can think of to reduce the stress?  (e.g., can a friend help your H finish the bathroom sooner rather than later?)

Talking here may be helpful too - it can defuel the stress and anger somewhat to get it out in a post or a journal works well for some people.

Is this your first baby and is it a boy or a girl? 

[flowerofthewoods]

I half think that our bathroom is cursed at this point. Most recently, we hired someone to paint it, and immediately after she started her health tanked and she's had to spend a lot of time at the hospital getting tests done. She's been so distracted that she's made a number of mistakes that needed to be fixed, so she's been working on it for a month now. The other painters in the area are totally booked, unreliable, or taking time off to mourn the sudden death of a family member, so we can't hire anyone else. Stuff like this has been happening from the start with every single step (plumbing, electricity, drywall).

It's my third baby (a boy, and my older two are girls). I had them all close together, so this last pregnancy was really rough on me physically.  I had a friend that was helping out a little bit, but last week completely out of nowhere she told me that she was moving out of state in two days, so now she's suddenly gone and I'm feeling abandoned. I had a major meltdown and haven't yet recovered, even though a couple other women in the neighborhood have offered their support. I feel guilty for not being able to let go and move on.

[Kizzie]

Wow, it does sound like finishing your bathroom has been cursed! I can only imagine that you have melted down Flower, anyone would under all that pressure.  Hopefully being here and posting will help alleviate some of that, even a bit would help at this point from the sounds of it.