To My Enabler

[Rachel2519]

Dear Oxycodone :

It's been awhile since we've been together and I hope you aren't angry with me because of how abruptly I ended our relationship; but you had to have seen it coming, right?  On days where thoughts consumed my mind, soul, and body, it seemed that you were the only one who truly cared about my pain and you were definitely the only one who eased my pain.  When I was having trouble with my boyfriend or when the kids got to be too much for me to handle, there you were, ready to jump into action.  Whether it was a ride down my throat or a thrill up my nose, your tiny little blue self somehow managed to take me from level ten down to a place where I was comfortably numb.  We started off slow but quickly escalated to being together every day, multiple times every day.  You told me that you would always be there for me, to help me forget the pain I couldn't get away from, and that you would never let me down.  I took it with a grain of salt as I knew the dangers that came with you but there came a time that I realized that YOU were the problem.  You didn't heal anything, you didn't make anything disappear, you simply masked the pain and fooled me.  You ruined my relationships and you also allowed me to stay in abusive relationships because you clouded my judgement. 

After kicking you out of my life I have changed quite a bit.  I have acknowledged and confronted the abuse in my life.  I got rid of the boyfriend who you made me feel like I was treating poorly.  When you were gone I realized that I wasn't crazy.  I realized that HE was mentally and emotionally abusing me.  As a sober woman I have better judgement and have standards and there are lines that I will not allow others to cross.  Instead of lowering my head with a frown on my face I keep my head held high and say "no" with assertion.

Without you now I am forced to face the pains of my past and yea, it's really * hard but it's on the surface where I can deal with it.  When I deal with it I hurt and that's when I think of you the most but all you did was push that pain down and maybe it was relief for a moment but I wasn't actually solving anything.  Now I can face my scary past, I can look at it in the eyes, and I can tell it with confidence that I WILL be the winner this time around.

I am sorry to say, Oxycodone, that I once found you to be a daily comfort but now with you gone I realize that you were only holding me back and keeping me sick.  You're a predator.  You are the evil that we are warned about.  I hope that some day you are completely removed from existence so you can not continue to hurt others just as you have hurt me.

Goodbye for the very last time....

                        .... Rachel
               

[Dutch Uncle]

Beautifully written. 

I want to take the opportunity to welcome you to Out of the Storm, Rachel.