People making assumptions because you *look* ok on the outside.

[arpy1]

sienna, you asked a few weeks ago here how i 'tidy up the crap' to present a face to the world. sorry, i missed that. the last days have been a struggle so my brain is a bit weird!

how do i tidy up? i guess, thinking about it, i do what i was trained in the cult to do... look at other people's needs, make sure they are ok, feed their needs, and that means i don't give anyone the impression that i am not coping. if you are 'giving' to other people they rarely look too hard at you.  they just think 'aww, she's lovely'  and go on their way.  i have done this for years, having been taught and thoroughly imbibing that my own needs were selfishness and sin, and that it was wrong to expect anything back.  the leader's voice shouting 'We have no rights, beloved' is always at the back of my mind.  it's been a tough enlightenment to realise just how cleverly manipulative that indoctrination was.  it basically meant that i had no boundaries and no sense of self.

so, not a comfortable explanation, but i think it's good you asked becos it made me think. so thank you hon.