mftb and the no good very bad day

[movementforthebetter]

Hi everyone,

Today feels like a setback day. I've been expecting important follow-up medical results and due to previous problems obtaining these results I have been proactive and advocating for my own health, calling and following up with both the referring clinic and the specialist clinic to make sure my GP receives the results so I can receive the results. I can only get the results from the GP. I found out last week the specialist finished the results 3 weeks ago. They may have been sent to one or two wrong clinics in other cities. When I called last Thurs I was promised they would be sent right after the MOA got off the phone. That didn't happen. I forgot to check in on Fri then it was a long weekend here in Canada. I called back after the long weekend and my GP still did not receive the results. I call the specialist and the entire clinic turns out to be closed for two weeks now so there's nothing I can do until later in the month. These results are to determine if I am all clear of something serious that has required a year of treatments.

I am so angry that yet again, medical professionals don't take my health seriously or see/care that their mistakes cause serious distress. I am also afraid that the results may indicate I need further treatment, which is very painful and has been traumatic.

I practiced self care and got excercise but was angry throughout. And my anger started to flash out to others and into myself. Thankfully I was alone all day so I just tried to stay mindful and observant. I did reach out via text but was angry at what I perceived as lack of response. I felt alone and unloveable.

I also was rejected for a job I put a lot of effort into applying for. It stung because I have spoken with the owner, see him at social functions, and am friends with another employee.

I had EMDR yesterday and it was around physical abuse. Of all the feelings I felt, anger didn't really come up. So possibly this all-day anger is an emotional flashback.

I read this thread, http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=517.0, and the first reply finally started extinguishing my anger. I still don't know what was really at the root of it but the statement about never being allowed to be angry really rang true.

Once again, so grateful for this forum and everyone sharing their experience.

[sanmagic7]

i can relate.  am in the middle of attempting to recover from a major f*ckup by a doc, who actually poisoned me, and am in the throes of severe pain and am so mad i could claw his eyes out.  and, the pain has made me be snippy and snappy with my hub, who continues to take such good care of me while i'm going thru all this.  it totally sucks!