Daughter's suicide *trauma trigger*

[Pippa]

Hi
I am new here. Looking for support I guess...
I found my only daughter dead - not quite 3 years ago, she had just turned 16 and we were very close. I get lots of flashbacks of what I found and what I had to do next.
I would like (not like - maybe need) to talk about this more but perhaps that is inappropriate in this environment.
Also endless loss and grief of course.
I get help from a psychiatrist but would be good to talk to others with PTSD.
I am undergoing chemo at the moment so my responses to replies may be slow.
Regards
Pippa

[radical]

I'm so sorry, Pippa.
You are welcome here.
I don't know how to help.  Please do stay here, but maybe it might be useful to also seek help from other parents who have lost children to suicide.
You can talk as much as you need to.  I hope others will have something more useful and helpful in response. 
All I've got right now is a big hug from the bottom of my heart.


Edit: I also have PTSD and am happy to talk about that with you.

[Three Roses]

First of all, welcome to you. Our forum is very supportive and we discuss many issues; you are welcome here.

Secondly, I am saddened by your loss. With a mother's heart I grieve with you over your daughter.

We talk a lot about Pete Walker and his book, "Complex PTSD: From Surviving To Thriving". Walker also has a website full of useful info, pete-walker.com. Our forum has links to other resources, as well.

I cannot imagine the horror of what you went through. You must have been devastated.

There is an excellent book on what happens to the physical brain after enduring trauma, called "The Body Keeps The Score", by Bessel Van Der Kolk.

Extending my heartfelt wishes for peace to you - Three Roses

[Dee]

Pippa, the only reason I am alive is because of people like you.  After hearing stories such as yours I decided that I could never do that to my children.  Your story is important.  I think you can find support here and possibly make a difference as well.

Thank you for sharing, it is never easy.

[mourningdove]

Yes, you are welcome here, Pippa.

So very sorry about your heartbreaking loss. We are here for you.

[Pippa]

Hi
Thanks for your replies I have found support there, and in the fact that this place exists.  I suppose others have had the experience that some medical staff can misinterpret a person presenting with physical symptoms as being "only...grrr" suffering from stress and anxiety.
My two most recent experiences with this were in the Emergency Department,  about 3 months ago, when I had been suffering bearable chest pain - my GP sent me in and the first Dr to examine me said "Do you have any other conditions?" and I unwisely replied I had a diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. She laughed at the nurse and trainee at the other side of the bed and said "see how they always say they have PTSD these days". I was aghast, cut to the quick, so upset - I only got angry later after they sent me home. That Dr could be doing a whole lot of damage to a whole lot of people.
More recently (3 weeks ago) it was discovered by my GP (who believes me when I say I feel something is wrong physically) that I have lymphoma in the chest and neck lymphs. So two weeks ago I had my first chemo and a few days later started to feel intense pain, my sister (who is bossy thank goodness) took me to the GP, who had me admitted back to the oncology ward. When the Hematologist saw me (he had also been told about Abbey, PTSD and some heavy drinking I had tried as a self med (worked in a way but then backfired) said "I think this is in your head, you will be fine tomorrow".  He said no pain medication allowed except paracetamol (some of the nurses were really upset). The next day (I had been quietly crying most of the day) He came and asked how I was and I said still in pain and I need you to speak to my psychiatrist please (I had already given him the details). Well thank goodness when the Dr did speak to my psych he was told that if I say I am in physical pain then I am and should be treated accordingly (I have a good psych - but what if I hadn't had that back up?). The Hematologist has been far more reasonable since.
This stuff should not happen.
Even if you present to a Dr. or ED with PTSD symptoms - flashbacks,sweats, whatever - these things are just as serious (even life threatening) as any physical issue. We should be treated like any other patient.
Sorry so wordy...Just saying.
My next chemo is today, oh joy.

regards and thanks Pippa

[Three Roses]

That's horrible! How insensitive that you were spoken to in that manner.



It's maddening, how clueless doctors can be.

[Danaus plexippus]

So sorry for your loss. After the sudden and unexpected death of my young husband I got very sick and was put through multiple surgeries. After each of the surgeries, my doctors would eventually come into my room and say "Good news, the cysts were benign!" and I would say "Ok, can I have my parts back now?" I'm sorry your tests were not benign and I'm sorry for the trauma you've been through and the chemo you're going through. I glad you have your sister. I pray you both have strength to carry on.

I hit the bottle too after my husband died. One book that helped me was Grieving For Dummies. A large portion of this book is devoted to parents that have lost a child and suicide is addressed. I went over my old copy with so much yellow highlighter it's hard to find a page that has any white remaining. It's an audio book now. That's helpful when you are too tired to read.