Hi I'm new to here - may trigger

[Des]

Hi,

I have recently been diagnosed with Complex PTSD and am currently seeing an nhs psychotherapist, although this is due to finish at the end of November, as I can only have so many sessions.  I have flashbacks, nightmares and suicidal thoughts.  I felt I was making some progress but I was recently humiliated at work in a meeting by my manager and although thus sounds like very little and probably a bit pathetic of me, I feel more scared, depressed and am having more flashbacks all over again.i can't explain it to my partner or anyone it just seems ridiculous.

Thanks for reading
Des

[schrödinger's cat]

Hi Des, and welcome. Speaking as someone who once got triggered by Sunday afternoon: nnnnope, I don't think getting triggered by your boss is at all pathetic. I mean, the thing about flashbacks is that whatever makes them so unbearable isn't in the present, it's in our sh*tty past. So your boss was just the * who managed to get his paw on the red button, as it were. The explosives were planted long before.

Sorry to hear that this guy set you back, though. I hope you'll find something on this forum that helps you a bit. Did you come across Pete Walker's work yet? He's a therapist who specializes in CPTSD, and he's got several free articles on his blog, for example this one and that one on managing emotional flashbacks.

I hope things will become easier for you soon.

[keepfighting]

Hi, Des,

nice to meet you!

This is a good place to find support in dealing with CPTSD. I hope you'll like it here.

I am very sorry to read that your boss humiliated you in a meeting like that. He sounds like a proper narcissistic jerk!  There is just no excuse for that.

I am also sorry to read that your NHS psychotherapist sessions will be over so soon even if you are still dealing with so many issues. That must be a terrifying prospect - having to go on dealing with your CPTSD by yourself so very soon. We're all here for you and help you in any way we can - at least we all understand what you're dealing with and sometimes validation goes a really long way.

SC has already given you some great links to check out.

Looking forward to reading your posts!

kf

[Rain]

Hi Des, and welcome.   Like Cat aptly explains, you are not alone.    I love Cat's "his paw on the red button" as that is what it is.   It is the wiring installed in our past, usually by highly inadaquate parents (that is the polite term) ...more accurate, is by our abusive, and self-serving parent(s).

Your feeling "very little" is that direct regression back to those unresolved, highly painful times.   Your boss' hideous behavior was similar enough to your past to send you into an emotional flashback.

Cat referred to the hero of many of us here, Pete Walker.  His book, CPTSD: Surviving to Thriving can be a roadmap out of this internal *.

I am sorry about the upcoming loss of your nhs therapist.   We are a support forum, and I hope you can find further therapist help.   What does the nhs do with other injuries (as this is a psychic injury)?   Gracious, halfway through treatments for other diseases, nhs just says "sorry, you have used your allotment up"?

Sorry, Des   

Please do read Kizzie's Welcome post, and Guidelines.   I look forward to reading your posts, and sharing in your Healing Journey, Des.

[Des]

Hi,

Thanks for the replies they are really appreciated and I found the fact that you all recognised how I was feeling and understood the way my boss made me feel.  I have read the blog on the emotional flashbacks and it made sense, although I will have to go back to it as I'm feeling really overwhelmed at the moment.

I am absolutely dreading the Therapy ending and am not sure how I will deal with it, but I am glad I have found some people who understand on here.

Thank you
Take Care

[Rain]

Hi Des,

Yes, you have a lot of people here that know how you feel!!    And, I can well imagine you are feeling overwhelmed.   Ironically, to heal one has to open a lot of oneself up internally ...so, for a while we feel "even more" of a "mess" as we untangle it all.   Hang in there!!!

Glad the tip (that I've removed) worked.   I forget too!   

[Des]

Thanks for the tip Rain, removed it now, I will have to watch out for that 

[sweetsixty]

Hi. Des, I'm very new here too but just wanted to say the boss thing is not in the least but pathetic. I really struggled at work with any boss as I since realised that authority figures are very triggering for me as I was brainwashed when very young to do as I was told, typical doormat. Which is crazy as I had worked my way up at work to be one of the bosses but there is alway someone above eh?

Often found myself crying and shaking in the ladies at something one of them had said.

I knew that the NHS was going to limit the number of T appts you could have but didn't realise it had happened yet. My T said to me last week that it was one of the only good things about having a chronic generative neurological condition (in my case MS) that I could see her as often as I need to and can be referred back to her too. But I can see that changing here in the UK too with this March on disability this govt has.

Anyway, these guys are very supportive good luck in your journey. X

[Kizzie]

Hey Des, welcome to OOTS, so glad you found your way to us!   I see you have already received a warm welcome and support from the community.  It really does help, especially given that your therapy will be over soon.   Everyone here just gets it and that can help lift us out of that feeling of being alien and alone, and that can be a big step forward in recovering.

I'm not sure where you're located but is there a community services agency that could offer you therapy or counselling?  I am seeing someone at a health centre which is covered by our provincial health plan (I am in Canada), and it has turned out well. 

I am not on the board much right now due to work, but if you have an question or concern we have some great members who will help you or you are most welcome to email me.

Again, welcome 

[ET]

Hi Des
Wellcome.
I am quite new here to but the forum has became a bit like a safe
harbour for me. When I feel loney or the day has been not so good I have
a quick look whats new in forum or information about cptsd and I feel
better I have the feeling I am not alone. I know it can not replace
a therapie or the direct contact with a therapist but I hope and wish it will
also give you the feeling of a safe harbour and give you comfort as it has become
for me.
Take care

[Des]

Hi,

Thanks for your replies everyone, they did make me feel less alone with this, and I hope I can offer all of you support at some point, although I am a bit of a mess right now so you may have to give me a bit of time but I will do what I can.

Sweet sixty thanks for reassurance re the boss situation I am a manager too but it's hard when you doubt yourself isn't it.  I am sorry you have ms but I am glad you are getting some support.

I am in the UK and have been lucky to get the therapy on the NHS and they have been working on the stabilisation phase which is a bit one step forward and two steps back at times.  I am disappointed that I won't have got to the stage where I can talk about the cause of things, but they may re-refer me to someone else if I push.  Anyway therapy today so will see how I feel afterwards.

Thanks again, hope you all have a good day.
Take Care