Hi I'm new

[neenonee]

Oops, I skipped this step and already posted, not too great at navigating this site yet. I'm not even sure I've been officially diagnosed with CPTSD. Over the summer I had a breakdown and one late night I did an online search just typing what I was feeling, and info on CPTSD came up. It fits me in some ways but not others. I didn't get abused as a child. I was bullied and rejected, the hated kid. I never felt like I could escape, so maybe that's why I have it, but other people suffered the same thing and don't seem to have it. For years I thought I was borderline and some of the info I read says that's fairly common for cptsd to be misdiagnosed as borderline.
  Whatever I have, it shows up in how I deal with people. I hate people but I need them. I'm always thinking people could be a potential enemy. But I wish I had friends. I have a husband who I'm mean to more than sometimes, even though I wish so much I weren't. Sometimes I'm loving and caring, but other times I go off about nothing. He should have left me but says he won't. I want to work on it for him as well as for me. I have one friend who lives in a different country; she has ptsd, don't know if it's the complex kind. I feel like I'm either mean to people or getting walked on; there's nothing in between. I really hope I can change. I also hope to support other members with cptsd.