Normal or a setback?

[AncientSoul]

It 's the first of October and a beautiful morning where I am. As always, I am alone here on my big place. I've been trying to write my nieces and nephews in regard to helping me find a solution with dealing with their mother, my sister. And also to ask them to pay me back the money I have loaned them and the expenses I have covered for them all these years. But things in my head keep stopping me. All but one of them have taken advantage of me, and they continue to take advantage of me, without regard and they never visit me, unless they want something. They stopped when I told them to pay me back. Of course I went no contact with my sister and told them. My sister told them I didn't want to see anyone and that I was mentally ill, so they don't call or visit me, but they sure use me and my property and don't reimburse me.

All my life I have helped, been good at most everything, took on jobs that no one else wanted. I've always been the first to run towards danger to help others. I don't know if I experience fear when helping others, because I haven't felt that before. Just an urgency to help is what I feel. I've always been calm under pressure. Yet in dealing with my sister, or the thought of dealing with her, I don't feel fear but I freeze up and feel a tingling inside and want to be somewhere else.

I'm healed up from breaking my leg and arm in the spring. I couldn't work much this summer because of that. I was injured by an accident and had no one to help me. That is my life. When the support gave way holding me up, I didn't panic and braced for impact. Being calm saved me. Yet a few days ago, I went to pick fruit in my orchard on the side of my place that is close to where my sister lives in the house she stole from my brother. I was picking fruit, got most of what I needed, and then over at the house where my sister is, a dog started barking. I felt a cold tingle down my spine, I gathered up my fruit and other things and left to the safety of my house. I feel ashamed for doing that. I'm on my property, yet the feeling I had I cannot describe and it does not make sense to me.

I know I should get a lawyer. But a lawyer will demand a high price to deal with my sister. In the past when my sister is challenged, all * brakes loose from her and she seems to thrive on telling anyone and everyone how "bad" her family is, especially me, and what she says are flat out lies. The fact is, I have never asked any of them for anything. I stopped asking for things when I was a child, as my sister would call me spoiled rotten and no good, and tell me I didn't deserve anything. My parents would tell her to "knock that off", but she wouldn't listen to them. So I learned not to ask for things, and always paid my parents back. My brother lived for seven and a half years in a house my parents owned, never paying rent. He had a good job too. And my mother told me that my sister never pays for anything either. The first job I had after college, I had moved back in with my parents. The first paycheck I got, I went and offered them money for room and board. My parents were shocked and told me, "Your brother and sister never gave us anything, why should you?" I said, "I'm not my brother or sister." My Dad shook his head, took the money and said, "Thanks kid." I asked him if it was enough, and he said to me. "Anything more than nothing is enough kid. Thanks a million." And that was that. I always paid up, my brother and sister didn't.

Is it normal to feel like this? I'm trying very hard, but I get so far then I stop in trying to solve my problem with my sister and her kids. I know I need to act, but it is difficult. Yet in any other endeavor, I solve problems. I've put my own life at risk in helping others, but I can't seem to solve my own problems.

AncientSoul

[Three Roses]

I think it's normal to feel as you do towards your co-sibling. Years have passed and she's not been challenged, not changed her stance or practices. If you suddenly woke up one day and, through no effort of your own, felt and acted completely differently toward her, THAT would be abnormal. (Or a miracle. )

Having been in kinda the same situation you're in now, I know how difficult and overwhelming it seems. You see decades of complicated relationships when you look at it. But legally it is simple; you have squatters. And like any infestation that's established itself, it will most likely take professional help to eradicate it.

I'm glad to hear you are healed and feeling better. Please enjoy the beautiful day there! Have a cup of tea with me on your veranda.

[AncientSoul]

Thanks. I needed to say a bit this morning. I'm trying my best, that's all I can do. For years while my mother and brother were ill and my sister moved in on them, I took the brunt of my sister's abuse towards them. I was the wall that protected my mother and brother, and I feel that despite that, I wasn't strong enough. Two steps forward, one step back.

It is no small amount of money that my sister is after. I'm a major land owner here. I had dreams of creating something out of this property that would benefit a lot of people. When she was alive, my mother told me to sell and go live my life and not worry about my nieces and nephews. My mother told me that they've proved they don't deserve anything because of their actions. And my mother also told me that my sister was "evil" and a Narcissist. I'm my own worst enemy because I don't wish to make a mistake and do something wrong. My sister always told me I was wrong. Of course, my sister always told people she was right and that she is greatest and most honest person in the whole wide world. That is an exact quote from her.

I'll have that tea now. Good idea.

[sanmagic7]

enjoy your tea.  sounds to me like 'mother knows best' and was a wise woman.  it takes someone special to be able to see through her own offspring, and theirs as well, and tell it like it is.

[writetolife]

From my limited experience, I'd say that what you're experiencing is totally understandable and not a setback at all.  The idea of dealing with any of that sounds terribly distressing and being distressed doesn't seem weird.  It's great that you're working on setting good boundaries about money, etc.  It sounds like this might be a difficult step forward instead of a step backward.

[AncientSoul]

After a lifetime of being put down, ridiculed, mocked and told by my sister of how worthless, no good and selfish I am, it is amazing to me how difficult it is to stand up for myself. It is easy for me to stand up for others, to help others, to stop things happening to others. But for helping myself, it feels like the whole world will crash down upon me. And that has been reinforced by the actions of my sister to do such things to me when she is challenged, and to see that I am punished. Revenge is my sisters middle name.

It has been so nice to have no contact with my sister since 2010, despite all her hoovering techniques and financial and social punishments to me she has facilitated. But I have allowed it because of my conditioning since birth. Since 2010, the quality of life that I have enjoyed could have been far better with a normal sister and normal nieces and nephews, and it makes me sad to realize the amount of greed and hate that my sister actually has. But normal is not possible with her. That is reality.

Still moving forward with my plans, and the pain that I feel at times is overwhelming. Letting the thoughts out here really does help.

[Three Roses]

We're with you, AS.