Nightmares - new realization

[Butterfly]

Regarding my Nightmares - I've discussed in a previous thread - I recently realized a huge connection. The theme of my nightmares throughout my life is my inability to speak, to have a voice. This directly mirrors my worst problem in real life.

So since my nightmares are finally resolved and slowly over the years I've recovered a wee voice in my nightmares it's time to do this in real life with uPDm. I need to now speak, to stand for myself. I have no problem doing this in general, just with uPDm. At this point in my recovery I realize what my wishes and desires are and have no problem exercising my rights and boundaries even with uPDm. Recently though in an exchange with uPDm I lost my voice. Hopefully it's another major turning point for me.

[marycontrary]

YES!!! keep it up...keep on doing it!

[keepfighting]

Wow - major lightbulb moment! This is something you can really put to work!

Given the nature of a PDm-d relationship (my own m is uNPD), I am not surprised that it took you longest to find your voice towards her - but now that you did, let it be heard loud and clear!

I love it how our dreams - even if they come in the unpleasant shape of a nightmare - can sometimes help us in our healing.

[schrödinger's cat]

Hey, that's great!    Also, very good to hear that your nightmares are resolved.

[Kizzie]

That's great about finding your voice in your nightmares Butterfly, it does sound like it's a signal you are ready to move into tackling the real life stuff of nightmares, your M.

I have an uNPDM and in terms of reclaiming my voice with her, she has been a tough nut to deal with to say the least. At first my voice would be there then dessert me, but nowadays finally it's there all the time and she knows it so she does not cross the line.  That took a while though and I remember I was hard on myself about that. Looking back I should have been patting myself on the back for my courage  

So FWIW remember you are well trained to be afraid and if you find you can't use your voice much at first or it desserts you in the face of her PD behaviour, please don't be hard on yourself.  You may misplace your voice temporarily, but t is not lost anymore, you will keep finding it and that's something to celebrate! 

[Butterfly]

Thank you all so much. Doing what I want and making my own choices without fear has been a huge step this past year. The simple thing of not answering via medium chill has made me strong. Just not caring if uPDm is going to throw another fit frees my inner self.

The other day she pushed and battered against my medium chill evasiveness and I so wanted to say 'I'd rather not say' and the words wouldn't come. It was a vicious game of cat and mouse until I finally told her what she wanted to know. I need to look the fear in the eyes and just say it. That's what provoked my lightbulb moment that this voice is coming to the surface - it's almost there.

[Anamiame]

 

[Kizzie]

Soon she will her it loud and clear and your life will be your own. As Bad Memories would say, "Keep on keeping on!"   

[Butterfly]

Thanks!