Emotional triggers effecting new healthy relationship

[Rose86]

Dear all I am new here, diagnosed with complex trauma (cptsd) in 2013, following my 'escape' from 18 yr abusive marriage. I now have a lovely supportive boyfriend but I fear I may lose him. A brief outline using this weekend as an example, I had a severe emotional flashback after a trigger. Every emotion was   reliving my past. I withdrew as I knew what was coming, my heart pumping, sweating, claustrophobia.  I said things I shouldnt have and shut down the next day. He understands my damage as best he can but says he doesnt have to tolerate my abusive behaviour, this kills me as I love him so much and it comes from nowhere.
I am currently having therapy, which I have been told could make me worse as I relive my traumas. I love him so much but I am frightened of lashing out at him. I feel so alone and fear I may be losing the most supportive person in my life. Has anyone had a similar experience     

[Rain]

Glad you are here, Rose86.

[alovelycreature]

My partner had a hard time when I started doing trauma work in therapy too. If possible, maybe talk with your therapist about your boyfriend coming in for a few sessions? He might need some education, but then maybe you guys can figure out some ways he can help when you're having symptoms.

My partner when first experiencing my symptoms would get very upset and then irritable. He felt like he had to "fix" what was going on. That of course would make it worse and I would lash out at him. It took him a while to realize that the symptoms weren't something for him to "fix," and that he could do things to help support me or calm me down. He now knows the things that help me, so maybe you want to talk about that with your boyfriend? Here are some things my partner will do for me now:

-run an epsom salt bath
-make me tea
-hold me
-reality check me (here and now, not then and there)
-leave me alone when I ask (this was the most difficult for him to get used to)

We've also talked about getting a punching bag and going to the batting cages when there's an anger issue. Lately I've been dealing with my anger by doing free kick boxing videos online.

I hope things work out with your boyfriend. Relationships can be hard when the partner doesn't first hand understand trauma.