Recovery

[Maynard]

Hey,

I joined this forum to share some of my experience. I recognise symptoms of PTSD for as long as I remember. When I hit my teens it really started to mess me up and I ended up not being able to handle all the intense emotions and my friends couldn't really handle it either. So naturally I developed a substance abuse problem to numb myself. Years later with a severely underdeveloped personality and suicidal depression I went to therapy where the lady told me she thinks I have CPTSD. Having never identified the events I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what was going on. I could barely talk to people without freaking out and having my mind come up with all sorts of crazy scenarios. The symptoms were evident but complicated.

Thankfully I had the opportunity to go to a Sufi monastery in North Cyprus. There I had time to get away from everyone, it was there that one day someone woke me up saying that I was shivering on the floor even though it was 20 degrees Celcius. I began to recover, my shoulders were not so tense. The love people showed me there allowed me to begin healing. I got sober and now I'm back at University doing a masters degree in engineering. The monastery gave me a framework to work with, the teaching taught humbleness and trust in god that allowed me to relax in times of chaos. Two years later and I'm starting to feel my mind return to what I remember of being a child. A feeling I kept describing to my therapist as missing. She told me that she didn't know if I could ever trust someone like a regular person, to be honest, I don't know either. All I know is that 2 months in that monastery probably did me more good that 5 years of therapy.

This is my little story for anyone who cares to read it. I'm still trying to find my feet again and catch up with where I left off 5 years ago. I feel my experience has wisdom behind it. Although it debilitates me in many ways it helps me to be humble. Maybe I will never be like other people, but it takes every type of person for the world to spin. I implore anyone who is suffering from CPTSD to pray that god sends them a trustworthy servant that can guide them. I hope you all find peace.

[mourningdove]

Hey Maynard! 

Thanks for sharing some of your story. It sounds like you really found a wonderful resource in the monastery and are now headed in a good direction. Thanks for the inspiration, and best of luck going forward! 

[Three Roses]

Hello and welcome, Maynard! We're glad you are here. 

What a wonderful opportunity that was for you! And as far as trust goes, when someone earns your trust I believe you'll give it; it's just that ours is harder to earn.

Thanks for joining!

[sanmagic7]

great story, maynard.  it really helps to show that there are as many ways of beginning our recovery as there are people who are recovering.  so very glad you had that experience.  it sounds like nothing but wonderful.  thanks for sharing, and i'm glad you're here.