To what category

[DD]

I have a fairly complex history of abuse. There's religious, emotional, sexual, financial.... spanning both childhood and adulthood. What I struggle with and seek advice on is how do I choose the category. Especially in situations that contain more types than just one, or more age groups than just one. So how do I choose where to put my experiences?

[Bermuda]

Hi Dragon dancer, I think most of us here can relate to that. It's horrible you went through that.

The two major categories are divided into whether your symptoms or specific struggles have developed from childhood trauma or adult trauma. There is no correct answer if it is ongoing or you are unsure.

My personal thought is that your brain is in two different states, one where it is learning how to be, and one in which it has already decided who you are. The first state is what I concider childhood. The way we cope with traumas before our brain has decided who we are is different than those which occur afterward. ...But I understand if this is way too overwhelming of a thought, and no one here will judge you for where you categorise your trauma.

Another great option is creating a journal. That gives more of an open space to explore those questions you have, like thinking aloud. It's easy not to understand where things start and stop, or if they have stopped at all. I hope this helps you. 

[DD]

Hi Bermuda and thank you for your calm assurance. I have a journal but I still struggle to write any of this down. My abuse started as a child as in the first experience of abandonment was around the age of 1. Some of the physical violence was then too. Abandonments were repeating and physical if needed - as stated by my mother. Apparently she didn't have to hit me nearly as much as she did my brother. Because I learned faster.

The religious trauma was the first 20 years of my life. Emotional abuse, emotional incest etc, for most of that time intersperced with some physical violence and sexual violence. I escaped that time and entered a marriage that was ok-ish at first but went downhill fast when we had kids. Then it was fairly hard core emotional violence for the next 9 years with some other forms of violence too.

I have never had a time when all was good enough. And for the first time me, myself, and I, and what other dissociative shards I have in me are thinking of who I am. So there is no before. But, thankfully, there is an after.

I'll just then try to find the most suited one based on what feels right at the moment. I am just really happy that I found myself here. It is such an important thing to be able to verbalise what happened to me. To not have it minimised and made to disappear by explaining how I am in the wrong in my feeling and experience and I just need to be told how my reality is. Thank you all for being here.

[Armee]

Hi Dragon Dancer, you don't need to write down your story to start a journal here. It can be for anything...healing, memories as they come, what you ate for breakfast, relationship struggles. And you can post in any and all categories that speak to you. This dilemma is the case for all or almost all of us here, sad as that is.

Ongoing, multiple forms of trauma. Welcome to your peeps.  I'm sorry ypu suffered too much and so much. But we do get it here.

[Moondance]

Hi Dragon dancer,

Thank you for your post and question.

I'm so sorry you find yourself here but so glad you found here. 

Bermuda and Armee- thank your for your gentle and thoughtful responses.  It helps me as well.

In particular...

The two major categories are divided into whether your symptoms or specific struggles have developed from childhood trauma or adult trauma. There is no correct answer if it is ongoing or you are unsure.

My personal thought is that your brain is in two different states, one where it is learning how to be, and one in which it has already decided who you are. The first state is what I concider childhood. The way we cope with traumas before our brain has decided who we are is different than those which occur afterward.

This information and understanding of what happened and how we are processing ut or how we are in it is most helpful

[Blueberry]

Welcome to the forum, Dragon dancer!

I think originally the Development in Adult board was set up because there were mbrs whose whole trauma started when they were adults and they had some different issues going on and wanted a separate board from the Development in Childhood board. Now some sub-boards are only on the Adult board: domestic violence and employment-related. The childhood board is used more frequently.

"I'll just then try to find the most suited one based on what feels right at the moment" - sounds like a good solution to me! The forum is pretty easy-going as far as that is concerned anyway.

As others have intimated, you don't have to write anything down - so go at your own pace. It doesn't have to be in any logical order or anything like that either. I was always going 'blank' in my first months here. It happens and it's all acceptable here - part and parcel of mbrs' cptsd.

[DD]

thank you all!

I'm so happy to have found my way here.

[NarcKiddo]

Hey, Dragon dancer,

I just wanted to elaborate on Bermuda's suggestion of a journal. I think what was meant in particular by the suggestion was that you might consider starting a journal on here.  There's a section in the Self Help & Recovery area for recovery journals. Lots of members have them. Maybe you do, too, but I didn't immediately see it.

Of course you don't have to start a journal here (I haven't, yet) but that forum area strikes me as a particularly useful repository for thoughts that don't have an obvious home - or even thoughts that do, but you might want to keep certain things in one thread. Others might comment on your journal but I get the impression that while other forum areas are always open for discussion and contributions, the journal area is more personal. So if you didn't want comments, or just said you needed a bit of encouragement but not discussion, then people would not find that surprising.

I'm sorry you have had such a challenging voyage to where you are now and I hope you are navigating your way into calmer and happier waters.

[Blueberry]

One thing I would add: if you start out e.g. on the emotional abuse board and that particular post develops into sexual abuse, please give a Trigger Warning, possibly in the text where you move from one topic to the other. Given the nature of sexual abuse, the whole (C)SA boards can be considered to bear a Trigger Warning, though you can certainly add an additional one in your post. But on other boards it's good to warn other mbrs that something s__ual is coming. (Sry couldn't write it out in that context.)

Anyway, don't worry too much about this sort of stuff. This is a gentle, accepting and supportive forum. I look forward to seeing you more around the forum.

[Blueberry]

Of course you don't have to start a journal here (I haven't, yet) but that forum area strikes me as a particularly useful repository for thoughts that don't have an obvious home - or even thoughts that do, but you might want to keep certain things in one thread. Others might comment on your journal but I get the impression that while other forum areas are always open for discussion and contributions, the journal area is more personal.

Correct.

Two excerpts from the Guidelines for Recovery Journals:

"Guidelines for Recovery Journals

    Please start a new thread for your individual journal.
    Add to it as you progress in recovery - sometimes recovery seems slow until we look back and then we realize just how far we have come."
and
"For Those Who Read These Recovery Journals

Treat journals with the utmost dignity and respect. This is a sensitive tool for recovery where some very important things are "said" for the first time. There are many tears and years of pain bound within the lines of these letters so we ask that if you respond you:

•   Listen for and validate the poster's feelings.
•   Don't critique the journal or tell the poster what they should have said
•   Don't use this forum for debate or discussion. Use the other forums for that"

BTW if you want to ask question - e.g. does xyz ever happen to other mbrs, journals aren't such a good place for that, partly because they're not a place to discuss and partly because not everybody reads all journals.

[Kizzie]

Just wanted to confirm the reason for the two boards, One is for for abuse that started in childhood and may have (likely) continued into adulthood, and the other is for for abuse that started as an adult (e.g., domestic violence). Originally we just had the childhood board, but then a number of members asked for the second board.  It is used less often as most members' abuse started in childhood but it gives those whose abuse started in adulthood a place to post.

Also, not all of us use the journal area at all or much (e.g., I have a journal but don't write all the time), but it is where a lot of members "hang out" and you can write about anything - totally up to you. It is a place where if you suffered a multitude of abuses you can capture them there rather than in the individual sub-boards, whatever works best for you. 

We are pretty easy going here I'd say, but do ask that members are respectful and follow the guidelines so we keep the forum as safe as possible. 

[DD]

Thank you so much for your gentle guidance. I haven't found the journals yet, but I think it could be exactly what I need right now. And that would then make it easier to pop onto the other boards for specific things and questions. Thank you for making me feel so welcome. I can't really express how much it means to me.

[Armee]

https://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?board=61.0