Hey, folks

[TwinCinema]

Hiya! I'm a 20 year old dude who writes about pop-culture, performs stand-up, and plays guitar into the wee hours of the night.
I'm also learning to cope with C-PTSD, along with clinical depression, generalized anxiety disorder, and obsessive thoughts.

The latter three I've recognized and faced since I was 10 or 11, but C-PTSD is a recent discovery for me.
I first became aware of it a few months back when my mom referred me to a book by, you guessed it, Pete Walker.
I was initially reluctant to consider it; my mind pulled out all the classic excuses, like "Oh, I'm just being a baby!", "PTSD is just a thing for veterans, right?", and that chart-topping hit: "C'mon, it wasn't that bad!"
Once I began reading, however, Walker's insight helped me view my experiences through a new, more compassionate lens.

I'm still excavating all the various causes, but the crux of my C-PTSD stems from my dad's emotional abuse/neglect and the toll of looking after my severely autistic twin brother.
It sounds ridiculous, but I only recently realized maybe it wasn't totally normal to frantically scurry and hide when my dad came home. That maybe my merciless inner critic is a flaw, not an asset.
I just assumed everyone walked around with a similar sense of toxic shame.

I'm taking a gap year from school and am currently unemployed, so all this newfound free time has opened me up to a great deal of introspection (for better or worse).
Just articulating my thoughts like this has helped in its own way towards my recovery, and I'm looking forward to sharing and learning more here!

[mourningdove]

Hey, TwinCinema - welcome! 

[sanmagic7]

welcome, twincinema.  glad you have some time to delve into this.  sounds like you're already making some great realizations for yourself.  i'm really glad your mom gave you that book, and that you're getting at this at such a young age.  yay for you!

[Kizzie]

Hi and a warm welcome to OOTS TwinCinema    Odd how those things (scurrying to hide when your F comes home) seem almost normal to us when that's what we lived with for so long.  Glad to hear that you are beginning to see how abnormal it is and how symptoms develop in reaction to having to live with trauma. It's a really big step when you stop telling yourself it's just you being weak or whatever. It helps to take the blame off yourself and puts it where it belongs, on those who traumatized you.

I hope you find the info and support here that you need 

[prairiewind]

Hello TwinCinema. Sounds like you have creative outlets and some good resources. Welcome!