Amulance with lights on as a trigger (***triggering***)

[Rebel62]

Yesterday, for the second time in the last couple months, I experienced a flashback when seeing an ambulance with lights on. I was on the way home and had to move over for an ambulance to go by me. I immediately flashed to the night of my daughters 2nd suicide attempt in Oct 2016 when watching the ambulance pull away from our home with my daughter with lights and sirens on. I immediately got very tense, emotional, tears running down my face, very hyper alert. The rest of the way home I had to force myself not to drive too fast, too pay attention to the road. I probably should have just pulled over, but I had to get home to take my daughter for bloodwork and had limited time.

Does it ever end? Is this going to happen to me every time I see an ambulance for the rest of my life? Other things that cause me flashbacks I've been pretty good at avoiding, and luckily I live in a pretty rural area so I don't see ambulances that often. Does it ever wear off?

[Rebel62]

I got thinking more about this yesterday. This was more of a PTSD reaction to a specific traumatic event, my daughter being taken away in the ambulance. I've had other more PTSD type reactions to her attempt(s). These traumatic events really were the triggers that made my C-PTSD from childhood/teenage/young adult trauma become out of control and hard to handle.

My two sisters both have anxiety issues. They used to always say -- you seem so calm, don't you ever get anxious? And I always said yes, but I'm good at hiding it. I'm no longer good at hiding it. It's always been there.

[Max]

Rebel62, that must be terrible for you. I can understand that would be a trigger for you.  It wasn't very long ago either. 

Your connecting it (anxiety) to 'it's always been there' is familiar to me.  I didn't understand or recognize anxiety until my 50s because it was a feeling that was normal to me. Not until I started taking something and I felt more 'calm' was I able to distinguish it. 

I have though, since learning to drive, have always felt a huge rise in anxiety when an ambulance or police is behind or around me. Felt mentally and physically, like I can't get out of the way fast enough.    Your post has me wondering why I feel that.  I have no memories of anything from my past that would have caused that, but I don't have many memories from childhood.  Lately I have been reading about Myers Briggs and learned that I am introverted but my feelings are extroverted.  My feelings react to external surroundings.  I don't know if that contributes to the anxiety I feel. 

Take care of you.  You have been through so much.