Saying 'Hello'

[Hope66]

Hi,
I wanted to say 'hello'.  I found this forum a few months ago, and I'm glad I did.  I feel like it's a supportive place.   I am hoping to be able to make some progress with things.  I've started a recovery journal, because I have hope that I will be able to move forward and cope with things better.  I've not really done much talking or sharing with others, so I'd like to start to  take small steps along that path - and see what happens. 

To be honest, I'm not sure how much to share - or what to share. 

But if feels good to have written something here - to say 'hello' and know that there are people out there who understand c-PTSD.  I've read Pete Walker's book 3 times now, in the past year - since discovering it, and I relate to the things he's written there so much.  It's validating and it makes me feel better in myself.

Anyway, I just wanted to say 'hello' and wish everyone a good day, and I hope to communicate in the forum - as and when I feel able to - and take tentative steps towards making some progress in coping and managing things better.

Hope.   

[woodsgnome]

Hi  Hope66,

Your observation that you're..."not sure how much to share - or what to share" probably sounds familiar to many here. It's tricky  but worthwhile, as you noted, to take that first awkward step and trust that you're among friends who do understand on both counts--what you went through and the shyness in posting about it. As to 'how much' or 'what' you'll probably find a level that works for you. Remember, it's safe here--that's such a new experience it can seem surreal at first.

One thing I noticed is that I surprised myself with some of what I chose to share. Some things I thought irrelevant turned out to have significance for me when I did write about it--whether it was my issue or in response to someone else. When I did, it felt like writing about it released inner knowledge that helped unlock other parts of the mystery of 'why' I took certain steps.

That said, it seems important to know one's boundaries. There are some things that can be approached, but may be too painful or triggering to fully describe. There's a certain comfort level that overrides the impulse to share. I suppose the key here is to follow one's gut instinct--some things can be adequately dealt with in more general terms if the details generate very negative vibes. Making already fragile feeling worse needn't be an object of writing.

So I guess the bottom line is write about what seems to matter the most, but also be willing to surprise yourself with some other angle of self-discovery. With the cautions mentioned above in mind. In my case writing about some things turned out to be more relevant than I'd previously thought.

The hardest part can be newness. But you've considered that already, given that it's taken a while to even write what you've started. The trust level is key, once you know that the forum is a place for listening without judgement. And it's too important for one's recovery not to take a chance of finding a way through with this--it feels pretty vulnerable and painful sometimes, but in my opinion worth risking in order to reach another level of hope for recovery.

[Three Roses]

hello, Hope! love your name

it is difficult to decide how much to share with others, especially if you've tried in the past and got the "get over it/that's not true" response so many of us have. it makes it harder each time to open up and try to find understanding. but this group of people get it! we won't tell you it's not true, you're making it up, get over it, surely it wasnt that bad.

What we will tell you (and other survivors) - you are worth being cared for; you are telling the truth; we believe you; we understand the pain; that must have been awful; we are sorry you went thru all of it. But we're sure glad you've survived, and you are here with us.

[Hope66]

Thank you Woodsgnome and Three Roses for your replies.  I appreciate what you both said very much.  I feel a bit more confident to post again - and I will return here to this forum, and I think it's a safe and supportive place. 

Thank you.