Starting therapy

[Pancakes1991]

Hi everyone.

I have just discovered this forum and am hoping I will be able to utilise it as somewhere to talk with people who understand me (lord knows I haven't found any yet!).

I was diagnosed about 18 months ago with complex PTSD, and decided at the time that I was not ready to go ahead with treatment. I thought I could cope on my own and it wasn't the right time in my life to start stirring things up again. However in the past 6 months I've been on a rapid decline and a few weeks ago found myself suicidally depressed. I went to my GP who put me on antidepressants and tried to push my mental health referral along. I am still waiting to see the Trauma service again, and yesterday started seeing a general mental health practioner.

I can't exactly say it went well. She kept reminding me that she was not a Trauma worker and looking very traumatised herself with what I was saying! She also kept asking what I wanted from the service...I really don't know. I want to get better, I don't want to feel suicidal any more.

I'm just wondering if anyone can enlighten me on what I should expect from therapy or really what support/self help I can be seeking whilst I wait to start my real trauma therapy with the right team. Because at this moment in time it feels like a never ending battle with my own brain and I am honestly losing hope that I can ever get better.

Thanks for listening.

[sanmagic7]

hey, pancakes, so glad you found us!  welcome!

for one thing, i think that posting here will at least offer you support, and information, which i have found invaluable as i continue on my road in recovery.    people here are very kind and caring and have helped me a lot.   they are so much of the reason i've been able to move forward.

as far as what to expect from therapy from a non-trauma therapist, you can begin with simple things, such as, like you said, how to deal with your depression.  maybe you just want someone to listen to you in a supportive manner.  perhaps she can give you ideas on self-soothing techniques when you feel all frizzed out about everything.   you can ask her what kind of therapy she does, and what she helps people with.  that may give you a list to pick and choose from, like 'yeah, i'd like some of that'. 

you can let her know that you're confused, and need some help sorting out what you want from therapy.   you can also tell her that since you're playing a waiting game until the trauma therapy arrives, what would she suggest you work on?  you may be so overwhelmed with everything that you just don't know how to pick and choose at this point, and you can let her know that, too, that you need help with that right now.

i've only recently gotten in touch with the whole c-ptsd roller coaster after suffering for many decades of not knowing why things weren't working out, why i was the way i was, why i said and thought the things that went through my mind.  this is a process, and, i do believe that you will get better if you keep at it.  we're here for you, you're not alone with this.  thanks for posting, and best to you with everything.   you're worth the effort.

[Three Roses]

Welcome, pancakes! I'm glad you're here.

There are exciting discoveries being made about the power of the brain to heal. The accepted view in the past was that once you were an adult, that was it for brain development; but recent findings are refuting that.

I found this article informative and encouraging - http://theunboundedspirit.com/how-to-re-wire-your-brain-the-incredible-benefits-of-neuroplasticity/

(Thanks to whoever originally posted it!)

Hang in there and remember, this is your journey and you are free to move at your own pace. Thanks for joining!

[Pancakes1991]

Hi SanMagic,

Thank you so much for all of that, it's actually very helpful to see all of that. None of those are things that I would have thought of and I will definitely mention them to the therapist in my next appointment on Monday. Unfortunately I've had some bad news today that my trauma appointment isn't until 28th April. I was told back in November that the waiting list was until March, and it left me very distressed. This just feels like another setback, like there's always longer to wait, whilst in the meantime I continue to get more unwell. Also, they have assigned me a male therapist, this is not good. I already know it is highly unlikely I will be able to relax and speak my mind, but I am also conflicted as I don't want to have to wait any longer to see a female. I'm going to give them a call tomorrow and see what my options are. I'm trying to stay optimistic, and your words have certainly helped me to feel like there is hope. I will likely continue reading everyone's posts and taking in the advice given, it is already very helpful for me to see so many that think like me.

Thank you also Three Roses, I will certainly give that a read on an evening where I feel a little more focused. Even your summary of it has made me smile though, as I often wonder what kind of person I would be had I not experienced my traumas as a child, so it's good to know it's not too late for my brain to sort itself out!

[sanmagic7]

rats!  sorry your appt. got pushed back like that.  hopefully you'll be able to get some helpful stuff out of the therapist you'll be seeing.  i'm glad some of those suggestions were helpful.

since your trauma therapist will be male, and he is your only option right now, it might be a good idea to let him know if you're feeling uncomfortable about that.  you can 'feel' him out in the very beginning - he'll probably just need to take some history from you so that he can plan the best way to help you.  during that time, you can feel if you're having discomfort or not.  trust your gut.    i hope it works out well for you.  if you'd care to share, we'd love to hear how it goes.  best to you with all this.   hugs.

[Pancakes1991]

It's certainly irritating, but I can't say I didn't expect it, that's what happens with free mental health services. You are right, I should certainly give it a try. The last time I was with this service I saw a lovely therapist for my initial assessment, and then was due to be assigned to someone else for the treatment, I imagine this is probably going to be the case again so I'll try not to worry too much about him.

I'm sure I'll be here plenty in the time before the appt, but I will definitely fill you in on events once I've had it. I've already gathered some very helpful information from this site about inner child therapy, I had never even heard of it before and I must say it makes a lot of sense. I'm not entirely convinced it would work for me, but it's certainly something I would be open to trying, so that's another direction that I have open to me!

[sanmagic7]

good for you, pancakes, for taking the initiative on looking for and finding info that might be helpful to you.  it might not be for you, but, on the other hand, it might.  won't know till you give it a shot.  forward!