new to the group

[balovesyou]

 I am a 37 year old woman who has been suffering with cptsd since childhood. i have tried living a normal life but as many of you know that is hard. i have reached the bottom and cannot dig myself out. it has gotten to where i don't even leave my room. no one around can relate and think I'm crazy. reaching out to people who understand.

[dewachen]

Hi,

I am new to the group too and I feel exactly the same as you. I have written under the title "Frozen". I hope others from the forum will help.

Thinking of you.

[bring em all in]

Welcome to the group- I've found this community to be extremely supportive and so many people relate to our experiences!

[sanmagic7]

hey, balovesyou, you're not alone, and yes, we do understand.   been there, done that.  you are absolutely not crazy - crazy people cannot write coherently, which you did a fine job of doing. 

have you had any professional help?  if not, that may be something to look into, especially if you can get to a trauma therapist. 

in the meantime, you're welcome here.  you've already made a first step by reaching out.  this is your very beginning of recovery, and it's your recovery at your pace.  step by step, we get to where we need to be.  you will as well - i have faith.  hope to hear more from you. 

[balovesyou]

thank you for your kindness. i have been trying to get help for over a decade now. i don't work now so i can't pay for healthcare. when i did work i could not afford healthcare. the drs that have tried to help either are not experienced with cptsd or don't care and think it is all in my head. which makes me more scared to ask for help. i have been trying to go to the emergency room but the last time i did i was treated badly and kept for a week before i could be released. the fear is killing me

[bring em all in]

balovesyou- I'm sorry to hear of your rough experiences getting help and healthcare now being out of reach. Perhaps others here will have suggestions as to how to get help given your situation.

[sanmagic7]

i hate that you've gone thru all that stuff with the med. profession.  it totally sucks.  all i can say is that i've been through that crapola with them, too.  it can wear you down!  there are so many who aren't willing to listen, who think they have all the answers, who don't want to be bothered with what they can't see.  they put their 'god' complex out in front of them and it can scare the crapola out of a patient.  but, and i say this from personal experience, there are a few who are indeed healers, who care, and who want the best for whoever walks through their door.  sometimes we have to speak a little louder to get ourselves heard, sometimes we have to persevere a little longer, arm ourselves with information they can read.  bottom line is you know more about your body than they do.  never forget that.  they aren't god at all and certainly don't know everything.

i'm going to see an internalist in 2 months.  i, too, have been given the runaround by doctors over the last 15 years, and little by little i learned what i need to do to be heard.  much of that has been helped by bringing information in for them to read - about c-ptsd, about my ailments, various lab tests i've had that have finally shown i knew what i was talking about, and how my body/system acts and reacts to various treatments. 

the latest example of this was me telling my doc that i believed i had adrenal fatigue.  he flat out said he didn't think so.  i went back with a list from the internet about symptoms, checked off the ones i have, and he told me that these could all be caused by thyroid problems, asked if i'd had my thyroid checked.  yes, twice, no problems.  he ordered another thyroid test, plus a test for adrenal gland functioning.  thyroid was fine - adrenals not functioning the way they're supposed to.  referred to an endocrinologist, who gave me the standard steroid treatment.  my body rejected it in 3 days.  i called him,. he prescribed vit. b complex and tylenol, said that might make me feel better.  i've been doing that for years on my own.  i haven't been back.

so, on to the next specialist.  i'll bring all my info in to him, see what happens.  this is a culmination of years and years worth.  in the end, i may end up going to the source - i'm going to bring in pictures from the book 'the body keeps the score' and other articles on the web that show the difference between brains that have been exposed to trauma and brains that have not, and hopefully get an mri on my brain to see what kind of damage has been done there, see if there's any viable treatment for it, or if i just go natural and do it on my own.  i do have a plan for that as well.  i just want to exhaust what the docs have to offer.  they could have a quicker way is all.

so, what i've learned thru all this, and it's been echoed here, is that we have to advocate for ourselves.  get informed, bring the info to them.  believe me, i know how difficult this is.  i just didn't like the alternative enough, so i believed i had to keep pushing forward.  i hope you can, too.   hang tough, balovesyou - i'm hangin' right beside you!

[balovesyou]

i am still fighting going to the er. the last time i went 2 years ago i was treated poorly. the first doc was nice, thank goodness. the only shrink that talked to me was the first night to assess me over skype. she was ok and asked good questions. i brought my meds with me with the dosage on it but they didn't want to give me what i needed and give me what i don't need. i have pcos and metformin is used to help. i told them i was not diabetic. they would not listen and pricked my finger 3 times a day, until a new nurse came in 4 days later and she actually listened and it stopped. i had to ask 3 to 4 times for the meds i needed. the rest of the docs made me feel worthless and did not show any compassion. never the same dr and sat for 3days without seeing a doc. they asked if i wanted to see the clergy man i said yes. he came on Sunday, as he is introducing himself the nurse came in and said "you can't talk to her" pulled him out my room and that was it. no one else came by except for the nurses. i was kept for a week with no answers or help.

would you have any advice on what ineed to do there to make sure that doesn't happen again

[sanmagic7]

my heart goes out to you, balovesyou.  if it were me, i would go in and tell them about what's going on, that i need help, and that i'm scared because when i came in for help 2 yrs. ago, i was treated badly, not listened to, given meds i didn't need, and wasn't given the meds that i did need, and was kept for a week by docs who showed me no compassion, and who ignored me for days at a time, and that at the end of the week i'd gotten no help and no answers.  i think i'd repeat that i need someone to help me, and ask if there is anyone willing to do that?  it's ok to be emotional - this is a very emotional deal.   i would say all that first off.  usually, personnel don't want a repeat of bad treatment.   

that's what i would do.  you will do what's best for you.  no judgment, no shame, no blame.  we can only do what we are able.  i do hope you get some help and relief - you deserve to be heard and listened to, and to have proper, compassionate treatment.  best to you with all this.  i know it's rough.  i'm so with you on this one. with you in spirit even if i can't be there in the flesh.  big hug.   i hope you'll let us know what happens.  i'm really glad you asked for help.  you're not alone.

by the by, if someone ever grabs a clergy that you want to talk to away from you, you have permission to yell 'i want to talk to him/her!!!'.  how dare someone take a spiritual advisor away from you!  that's just wrong, to my mind.

[balovesyou]

thank you. i am going to go to a different location. they have been good to the people i know. i will make sure to let them know about my last time so i can be taken seriously.

[sanmagic7]

good for you - great problem solving.  you're on your way.  big hug.