Wher do I begin?

[Gordon]

Hi all,
After years of therapy (some good, some not so good) I've realised I developed CPTSD during childhood as a result of prolonged emotional neglect and psychological abuse at the hands of y parents. I'm now 57 and have been married for 7 years. But it's affecting my marriage badly now and I need some support because my wife does not understand (why would she?). The most destructive behaviour I act out during flashback is to react with rage when I'm flashed back to feelings of rejection and belittling by something she may have said or because of the 'look.' I love my wife but currently she is the bedroom crying at my latest outburst 2 days ago. This happens a couple of times a year and I'm just looking for some feedback please. It's tearing her apart and my 'inner critic is having a field day...

[sanmagic7]

hey, gordon, and welcome,

this to me is one of the greatest tragedies of c-ptsd - not only do we suffer, but oftentimes, so do our loved ones.  i'm so very sorry this is having such a detrimental effect on your marriage.   and, you're right - how could your wife know or understand?

are you seeing a trauma therapist?  or someone who's familiar with c-ptsd?  has your wife had any education as to this horrific beast, what emotional flashbacks are, triggers, etc., so that she can get some kind of understanding of what's going on and why?  i had some of the same problems with my husband, and it wasn't until i helped educate him (i didn't have a therapist available) about this and we had many conversations about what was going on with me that he began to 'get it'.  it took some time, i gave him stuff to read that i found on the internet, we talked everything through each time, and we have a better relationship now,  but it was pretty hairy for awhile.

this isn't your fault, and you can tell your inner critic to take a flying leap.  i've found that the more i got into recovery, the more i learned about me, the more i did the work that helped me, and with all the support and encouragement i've found on this forum, things have smoothed out between him and me.    they've also gotten better for me, personally, which has been a relief.

it's a process to recover from this.  your rage right now is something that can be explored in therapy so that you will eventually be able to steer it toward the people with whom you are truly angry, the ones who rejected and belittled you in the first place.     i repeat, this is not your fault, nor is it your wife's.   i wish both of you the best so that you can get to a better place together.  glad you're here.

[Three Roses]

Hello and welcome, Gordon! So happy you found us.

As sanmagic says, it's really not your fault. There are physical changes to your brain as a result of trauma. Here's a link for you: http://www.gostrengths.com/what-is-an-amygdala-hijack/

There are lots of articles here for you and maybe even your wife to read. In the download section of the Resources tab, there are documents you can print for your physician and/or therapist.

Hang in there, thanks for joining!