chronic pain, warning triggers

[silentrhino]

I have so many symptoms, it's pretty ridiculous.  I suffer from chronic pain, night terrors and anxiety.  I was sexually assaulted at the age of nine by my F and it never stopped.  He continued to abuse me until I left home at 18.  Both M and F beat me continually, burned me and verbally humiliated me.  At my school I was also sexually assaulted by both students and teachers.  I am a walking wreck.  Biggest problem is chronic pain in all my joints and muscle memory.  I have tried tons of meds but the government forces docs to behave as if a person in pain is a criminal.  I am not a criminal, I am a survivor.  I am well aware that my chronic pain is somewhat related to all my multiple beatings, cuttings, burnings and assaults and I no longer have injuries.  My body or maybe its my brain doesn't respond to that.  I'd like to feel better. Does anyone else hurt in the physical realm.

[Candid]

  silentrhino!

No, I'm pain-free as far as the body goes, but I've been through rape, sexual abuse and being beaten up more than once. Have you had any kind of counselling or therapy for these horrific attacks on your young body? Does anyone IRL know what went on?

[Blueberry]

I had years of psychosomatic pain, starting from when I was just a child. It was one of the first major symptoms to improve once I'd been in intensive therapy. Occasionally it comes back in some form or other, probably just one body part rather than my whole body, but it doesn't stick about for long these days. The abuse I experienced was more emotional, though there was some physical and sexual. Sadness and emotional pain were taboo areas in the family I grew up in. I was punished and/or ridiculed for crying. So I think the emotional pain turned into physical pain instead. I more or less healed from it through beginning to talk about what had happened to me and through adult attachment therapy. That was in the days before I'd been diagnosed with CPTSD so I was in forms of therapy no longer thought to be good for CPTSD. Anyway I'm probably in a different country from you and these forms of therapy may not be available to you.

I'm sorry for all what you suffered growing up and hope that you find OOTS useful and that you are getting therapy in real life too.

[silentrhino]

I have recently started counseling, every day a new body part of mine flares up and causes severe pain.  I feel ridiculous to be this tore up as a man in my middle age.  I don't tell anyone not even my counselor.  Maybe we'll get there I don't know.  Although I have no children I feel strongly that no child should ever be abused or made to hurt because of whatever, there are no good reasons.  What I mean is no child should have to suffer physically because a parent or guardian is mentally unable to care for them. I don't believe in family reunification where there is abuse involved, when I was fostered out was the best most stable three months of my life. Screw the haters on the foster care system, there were good fosters where I was sent out but frankly living on the street which I also did felt the most right to me.