How do we heal relationally?

[Boatsetsailrose]

Hello there has anyone got any experience / knowledge on how we heal relationally -
How do I get more friends / people in my life ? I don't even really know what the problem is in order to start healing it ?
Is it not trusting people ?
Being too perfectionist?
Being too controlled ?
Um I seem to think it's all of it with me ...
Sometimes I feel desperate like I'll never get normal in this area
I'll soon be working with a trauma therapist and really hope I can get helped in this area
I so want more people in my life to share with ...

[sanmagic7]

hey, bssr,

i think sometimes making friends or getting new people into our lives is something that will just happen - a chance meeting, an urge to introduce yourself (or vice versa with the other person), serendipity or whatever you want to call it.  i do believe if you put yourself out to the world with a smile and a warm, inviting vibe, someone will respond eventually. 

i also think that as your recovery continues, any roadblocks to this will be realized, explored, and resolved.  stuff like this usually just happens without having to put too much effort into it.  be your sweet self, sift through the responders so that you bring in other sweet selves, and the rest will work itself out.  you're ok, bssr, and you'll get better at this as time goes by.  keep the faith!  big hug.

[Candid]

Hi Rose!

I'm waiting for a trauma therapist too, and relationship (or lack of it) is high on my priorities for discussion.

Is it not trusting people ?
Being too perfectionist?
Being too controlled ?

For me it's the first one, which leads to the other two. Most of us know from bitter experience that we can't talk about the cause of our CPTSD; that most people will say dismissive or hurtful things. That means having what I call "funny little ways" and no explanation to offer.

Sometimes I feel desperate like I'll never get normal in this area

I feel certain of that for myself, and sometimes I feel very sad about it, but over the course of six decades it's become easier and more natural for me to isolate myself. It's what you might call my comfort zone, although as you would know there's no comfort there. But at least when I'm depressed and weeping no one needs to know about it.

I wish you luck with therapy. Let's hope it's someone who really understands and knows which way to go.

[Boatsetsailrose]

Thank you Dear SAN magic, such a nice and comforting response

[Boatsetsailrose]

Hi candid,
Yes the isolating thing, thing is and as you say no comfort - I can't let myself do it for long it just sends me down
I'm finding physical exercise is helping shift my mind set - if I go for a jog in the morning or get out with the walking Grp