Warning letter

[Deb]

I got legal aid to write a warning letter to my parents a couple of weeks ago. My mother continued to send mail to me despite repeatedly telling her to not contact me. Its a big step to protect myself and scary and also I feel very sad and VERY alone.

[finallyfree]

I hope sending your parents a letter to stop contacting you works. You deserve peace and the time to heal without their interference.

[Rainydaze]

This is a really brave and positive step, Deb, even if it doesn't feel like it. It's understand that you feel sad and alone in this as it's not a situation that many people can understand. You've done the most humane thing you could in the circumstances, you're not alone here.

[Three Roses]

When my parents were alive I went VLC with them for years. It was just too much for me to handle - the constant drama and confrontations, etc. It wasn't easy, but it was necessary for my well-being.

Now they're both gone from this world, and looking back I still know and feel I did the right thing. You are important, and worthy of being respected and treated with dignity.
 

[sanmagic7]

quite the courageous step, deb.  yes, these kinds of steps come complete with a myriad of emotions.  when i went nc with my oldest daughter, i can't even begin to express what i went thru.  i don't regret it, tho.  i wish it didn't have to be so, but it does.  my health and well-being depended on it.

i have no doubt you'll get thru this in your own time.  you do deserve peace of mind, space and time for healthy thinking and being.  big hug to you.  we're here with you thru this.

[Deb]

Hugs to you guys. Thankyou

[lotus]

Dear Deb,

I struggled with a very similar situation (trying to stop contact with my mother, including unwanted mail).

Your feelings are valid. There was a lot of deep sadness, grief, and fear when I pushed back against my parents. You were right to get legal help, even though it must hurt very deeply.

I wanted to tell you what I tried in case some of it helps you. Feel free to ignore anything that doesn't feel like a good fit. At the time, I was afraid to get legal or police help, so I kept trying to convince my mother to stop. Didn't work. Writing "return to sender" helped with packages and mail; she was so shocked/hurt that she suddenly stopped mailing me. It protects you from any insults or manipulative gifts, too.

A few years later, I contacted my university police department, and spoke with a policeman and a female investigator/detective because of obsessive calls/emails. They said they could call my family on my behalf, and sometimes it makes it worse, sometimes better. They suggested I change my phone number - I found this very helpful, even though it hurt. I asked a good friend to come with me to get a new phone, since I knew it would be hard. You can also create a filter on gmail to make sure their emails get deleted or just go to a special folder so you don't have to see it unexpectedly. I had to "defriend" my parents, sister, and uncle on Facebook too. In my case, these steps helped a lot.

I got a lot of faulty advice about what is possible legally - so just wanted you to know there are a few things you can try. You can file for a protective order (I think usually for protecting physical safety), but there is also something called a no-contact order, which can be used if you're getting harassed (repeated unwanted calls, emails, and/or mail).

I hope you are able to find some ways to take care of yourself. Things like hot baths don't solve things, but little acts of self-care eventually started to make a dent in feelings like sadness and shame. Feel free to write if you need anything.

[Three Roses]

By the way, welcome to you lotus, and thank you for the helpful info!