Fed up

[Eyessoblue]

Hi everyone, just wanting to have a rant really, no one else to talk to but know I get supported on here. Having a generally bad week, lots of flashbacks which I'm now 'supposed' to be able to sit with due to my cbt teaching me how to do so, but just can't get rid of the depression and sadness that goes with it. I feel like I really want to sit down and cry non stop then scream and shout, but it's like I have something holding me back from doing so, the tears are there but they won't escape!  Now back on yet another waiting list for the trauma therapist to get in touch- sick of waiting lists, seriously, what do these people think that we should do in the waiting time for the appointment to come along? Left now with nothing until that day comes yet still have to deal with all the anxieties and flashbacks etc that never leave me. My depression is at the lowest it's been in ages, I just want to sleep all the time, my energy levels are on zero at the moment. Binge eating and drinking are all I seem to do to escape or bury those emotions, just completely fed up now! Rant over thank you for listening. 

[Blueberry]

Dear Eyessoblue,
I'm listening! Just today I was thinking I'm so lucky that I found my present T when he had a spot free, and that in my country you still have free choice of which T to go to. It's not decided for you by some medical insurance system. Of course this means that you do have to phone around and look and do research, but I do prefer it this way. Some trauma Ts have 2 year waiting lists, others like mine have decided to forego lists, knowing that when one patient is through others will be phoning for a spot. I was lucky that way.
I used to draw my tears when they wouldn't flow, if that's any help. If it's not, ignore. Hope your rant did you lots of good anyway!

[Eyessoblue]

Thank you blueberry it did help. That's a really good idea about drawing the tears that won't flow, I shall try that, I did do a lot of journaling but stopped, think I will start it up again. Thank you for listening!