Help

[gosonic]

Sorry, I'm completely new to this site and the format. Not doing too well at the moment,,,,,can anyone recommend a treatment program that seems to help? It seems, from experience, that most treat the after-effects other than the problem at hand. I'm sorry anyone is experiencing this issue, but it is nice to know I have sisters and brothers out there. Thanks

[mourningdove]

Welcome, gosonic!  Sorry that you are not doing well.

As far as treatment, what helps seems to vary somewhat according to the individual. Can you say more about what you mean by "the problem at hand"?

[radical]

 

Glad to have you on board, Gosonic.
You do have some sisters and brothers here!.  Sorry things are rough right now.
Looking forward to hearing more from you.

[gosonic]

Sorry.... when I said "problem at hand," I was referring to C-PTSD itself. I've been in therapy for years, but I'm coming to believe treatment was always focused on PTSD and not Complex PTSD, which I had never heard of. When I was treated at inpatient facility, it focused on alcohol issues resulting from my disorder as the real problem instead of a symptom. I've been on disability from work for quite a while, but my time is up.....and I can't go back. Hard to explain why. I can only say I'm thankful for this site, as my wife read the article on "What It Feels Like" this morning, and it is truly the first time I think she somewhat understands. I have never been able to describe it in words, and actually I am just now getting info to understand myself. Unfortunately, the information is several years late, and I feel like I've been chasing my tail with treatment all this time. Thanks to all

[mourningdove]

Sorry.... when I said "problem at hand," I was referring to C-PTSD itself. I've been in therapy for years, but I'm coming to believe treatment was always focused on PTSD and not Complex PTSD, which I had never heard of. When I was treated at inpatient facility, it focused on alcohol issues resulting from my disorder as the real problem instead of a symptom.

Okay, I see what you mean, gosonic! Yes, I've been in therapy before my problems with C-PTSD were recognized and the therapy was unhelpful and sometimes even harmful. I think that it is very common to go through many diagnoses before C-PTSD is recognized. I know it is frustrating to "find out late," but at least now there is hope that you can get on the right track at last.

As I said earlier, people differ as to what they find helpful. Two very popular books around here are Pete Walker's "Complex C-PTSD: From Survivng to Thriving," and Bessel van der Kolk's "The Body Keeps the Score."

In terms of therapy, I would definitely recommend trying to find a therapist who has experience working with C-PTSD, and someone with whom you can feel a safe connection. This can be hard to find, but it's definitely worth trying. For me, attachment issues are important to work on, as is having a T who can model acceptance, validation, and care for me so that I can learn to do those things for myself and that I deserve them. EMDR has been somewhat helpful in dealing with single incident traumas. I also really like the sensorimotor approach to therapy, because so much of C-PTSD is nonverbal. Internal Family Systems has also been very useful, though it gets confusing sometimes for me.

It also helped me to learn about dissociation, as I have a lot of dissociative symptoms - especially depersonalization and derealization. Dissociation FAQ here: http://www.isst-d.org/?contentID=76

[gosonic]

Thank you so much for the reply! I was supposed to try EMDR last week with a new therapist, but had a full-blown anxiety attack at his office. Hopefully, will get to try it Monday, He did refer to one of the books you referred, so I'll definitely check it out as well as the other. Unfortunately, I feel like the walls are closing in as I will soon be unemployed and losing my insurance unless something happens quickly..... thus my sadness at getting such a late start for true treatment. I quit all meds a couple of years ago after a terrible experience that scared me away from them, but I would honestly try anything that may help. Thanks again

[mourningdove]

Unfortunately, I feel like the walls are closing in as I will soon be unemployed and losing my insurance unless something happens quickly..... thus my sadness at getting such a late start for true treatment.

I'm sorry that I misunderstood. It's horrible that you are probably losing your insurance. I'm so sorry to hear that. Everyone deserves to have access to healthcare.

I hope you can get as much help as you can while you still have it. A good free resource that you can use right now is Pete Walker's "13 Steps for Managing Emotional Flashbacks": http://www.pete-walker.com/13StepsManageFlashbacks.htm.

Some people here find psychiatric drugs to be very helpful, but they were disastrous for me.

[gosonic]

Thanks for reply! I'll definitely check out the link. The psychiatric drugs..... actually one in particular was a nightmare for me as well, and it always seemed that the therapist was taking a shot in the dark in trying to find one that worked w/o side effects. Maybe I just never found the right one(s) for me. I really appreciate your suggestions.

[gosonic]

This may be a silly question...... Does anyone ever feel like they are "fighting" against getting help? Contentment in what has now become a familiar state of being? I know of many things I need to do start helping myself, but it is a struggle. I assume that tends to be part of Complex PTSD, but perhaps I'm just overthinking or mistaken. Sorry, just new to the discussion and trying to understand.

[mourningdove]

I don't think that is a silly question. I think that it is natural to avoid what we carry around inside of us, if it is scary and overwhelming. And it makes perfect sense to stick with whatever has kept you intact in the past, even if it isn't working so well now. Change is scary, especially for someone who has been traumatized.

[gosonic]

Thanks, Mourningdove. I promise I haven't joined this forum to gain free therapy. Starting from scratch kinda' sucks, you know? I just have some questions I'm sure have been covered a million times. I really, really appreciate the help, and hope all is well with you.

[mourningdove]

You're welcome. Free peer support is why we are here!

I'm glad you have joined and I hope that you feel comfortable participating in whatever ways feel right to you.

[Candid]

Does anyone ever feel like they are "fighting" against getting help? Contentment in what has now become a familiar state of being? I know of many things I need to do start helping myself, but it is a struggle. I assume that tends to be part of Complex PTSD...

It is for me. This is the 'me' I've known (or not known) all my life. Who will I be if I get past it? And is it worth changing the way I act and react, when I'm over 60, homeless (living with in-laws), married to a man who can't hold a job, have had no paid work myself for six years? and on and on into hopelessness.

I think little manageable steps are the key. I always hated it when people said "baby steps" to me but I now see it as gradual change, doing what doesn't threaten 'me' and gaining confidence slowly. So I'm not going to force myself to give up my addictions, I'm going to reduce their frequency -- starting with coffee, which I know makes me anxious and messes with my sleep. That's a small step towards the goal of finding and being able to keep paid work, an idea that scares me now.

There's also being more open to other people, initially with known and trusted ones, but learning to identify quickly who's friend and who's foe. I'm into affirmations at present, one of which is: "Most people are good and well-intentioned." That's something this forum has done for me.

The real 'me' isn't a quivering wreck from FOO abuse and abandonment -- it's someone who just needs to readjust her outlook on life. I wish you luck and a bold heart as you move forwards.