Long lasting EF

[Blackbird]

Hey guys 

Seems like I was in an EF for two or three weeks, lost count. Since two days ago I've been feeling better, I'm able to handle thinking straight again.

I have 20 days of vacation but I can't go anywhere because of my pets, I might go to a fair on thursday with a friend to eat regional pastries. That will probably make me feel better.

I'm depressed, but not like staying-in-bed-all-day depression. Semi-functional depression. Dishes pile up, laundry needs to be done because the hot weather is coming and I still have my winter clothes out, but I can't seem to do any of it. I might try one thing at a time today, see if I manage. Will let you know.

My T gave me a book with exercises that I was able to do yesterday, it gave me some clarity over issues in my past that I dealt in a completely bonkers manner. I will do more today if I have the time, the priority today is to get the house cleaned and the laundry done. Can't obsess over this every day (like I have a choice), might make the exercises in my head while I'm doing what needs to be done. The exercises aren't focused on the abuses, rather more on the recovery.

I was feeling terrible for the world, thinking I have no place in it. It has a lot to do with a break up I went through that devastated me, my inner child felt abandoned and neglected all over again and I haven't been able to bounce off of that. It's been 4 years of solitude, no sex, no partner, nothing. The thing is, I don't feel the need for it. I'm okay with being alone for now, I need to find someone worth it instead of jumping into a relationship and repeating the same mistakes all over again. My T agrees with this, but he says I'm too much of a romantic to be single forever lol

Therapy has really been helping, my T says we'll be spacing out the appointments now (I was going two days a week, then every week), so I don't overwhelm myself again. In the last appointment I fused with my inner child and refused to talk out of fear for a while...  Needed to step back into my Self, and let it defuse. The next day my inner child's pain was the only thing that mattered, was a horrible day.

Well, thanks for reading. Seems like I'm feeling better now, not hijacked into desperation.

[killingGiants]

Hello Blackbird; just read your post... I have been having some really hard days... I know exactly what you are saying. I have the 'will' (choice) to heal and change, yet... I don't know what to do or be most of the time. I understand with my 'intellect', but the whole rest of me is in extreme pain and confusion, and it takes all of my energy to just breath... to take the next step, literally... I truly hope that you are feeling so much better today... thank you for sharing, L

[Blackbird]

Thank you KillingGiants 

I'm not feeling much better in terms of depression, but managed to clean the kitchen anyway! 

Today I'll do laundry.

Bailed on that going to a fair thing because my friend has been a terrible trigger lately, with his rants about how families should be the epithome of society, without having a bit of empathy to what I'm going through... I need to be better at choosing people in my life, seriously. 

[killingGiants]

You and me both I have the same issue with a neighbor... I can generally walk away when I need to, and do not care what someone thinks about that.  I figure I have more than enough crap of my own, I don't want or need anothers... Kudos for cleaning the kitchen... and an early kudos for getting the laundry done!  love and peace to you, L

[Blackbird]

L

[killingGiants]

always...  :hug:Blackbird