Dealing with Self-Destructive Behaviors

[Kat]

I recently bought a workbook by Lisa Ferentz called Moving Beyond Self-Destructive Behaviors.  I haven't read it all the way through yet or done many of the activities.  She developed a protocol one can move through which she calls CARESS (or CARES if you prefer).  The protocol is to be used to combat the urge to be self-destructive. 

CA asks you to Communicate Alternatively for 10-15 minutes by choosing to do something like drawing your emotions, writing a poem, making a collage, etc.

RE is for Release Endorphins, so for 10-15 your to do jumping jacks, run, march, or watch something funny, hold/stroke/hug a stuffed animal or live pet (though I doubt she means your fish).

You finish up with 10-15 minutes of Self-Soothing (SS)--wrapping yourself in a blanket, taking a warm bath, reading positive affirmations, etc.

There are many more suggestions.  My problem is that once those urges to be self-destructive (I binge drink) come on, I either forget all about anything like this protocol or I consciously choose not to give them a try.  She acknowledges that this is the case for most people who perform self-destructive behaviors so her suggestion is to create a CARESS box filled with things you may need to work through the protocol.  The box will help serve as a concrete reminder.

I'm making a list of things for the box I plan to make including my boxing gloves, a stuffed otter I have, some essential oils, and other things like that.  I'll put in some poetry books I like as well.  I also plan to use index cards to write reminders of things I can try.  I'm thinking I may even make them in to CA, RE, and SS "decks" so I can shuffle and randomly choose a card to try.

She suggests personalizing the box by painting and decorating it.  I love that idea.

Just thought I'd share.  Oh, and there's a companion book for therapists.  So, if you're in therapy, you can work through the workbook with your therapist's help.

[Three Roses]

This is great! Thanks for sharing, really great idea. 

[Kizzie]

I love this too Kat, thanks so much for sharing it with us   

CA

I don't draw well, but the idea of a collage is appealing so maybe some scissors, old magazines, glue, paper, markers (and glitter, stickers and whatnot to decorate the box. Oh boy glitter! I love glitter.) 

Quite some time ago one member came up with the idea of doing a collage in which she used copies of pictures of herself as a child and her FOO  to reset the past.  E.g., She would use a copy of pics of herself now and young her and have them playing or talking and walking.  She would enlarge a pic of herself as a child and shrink one of her F the, and do a collage around an event that had happened. With her being big and large it was a msge about giving her IC back her power. Interesting approach I thought although at the time way to triggering for me to try.   

Along the same lines, it might be interesting to let my Inner Child write out what she wanted to do or say back then but couldn't.  I have tried this non-dominant hand technique before and it is quite powerful (or was for me).  Pete Walker talks about talking with your IC and telling them what you would do for them if you were back there with them. I think his example was pieing an abuser, something that would take the fear out of the situation for a child.  So maybe a pad and some crayons for younger me to write things out.  I've also used thought substitution/challenging negative thoughts fairly well so a pad and pens/pencils to write them out rather than just think them in my head. 

RE

I like to sing along with/dance to Celtic music so maybe add some CDs to the box.  I also enjoy comedy so perhaps save favourite bits/shows to a file on my computer. I could add a sign to my box saying "Go watch something funny."   

SS

Too funny about the fish.      I have a GIANT teddy bear who wouldn't fit in the box but he could sit beside it.  I also have a list of things I like about myself (what a struggle to write that was when I did it!), but I do believe what I've written now and it wouldn't hurt to read through it and remind myself.

[samantha19]

Great idea. Been needing something like this. Thanks! 

[Blueberry]

My problem is that once those urges to be self-destructive (I binge drink) come on, I either forget all about anything like this protocol or I consciously choose not to give them a try.  She acknowledges that this is the case for most people who perform self-destructive behaviors so her suggestion is to create a CARESS box filled with things you may need to work through the protocol.  The box will help serve as a concrete reminder.

CARESS is new to me, but what I do know and used to use is a First-Aid Kit. This can be a box, but I actually had mine drawn and written on a piece of paper, also I had some cut-outs glued on, since I'm not too good at drawing. So what you have is symbols of everything you could use when you're triggered. I had photos of my pets, very very short prayers, a drawing of feet (to remind me to stamp feet to re-ground) and of nose, eyes, ears and hands to remind me to use multiple senses to re-ground or attempt not to dissociate in the first place, drawings that showed visualisations that were useful for me,  drawings of my cuddly toys, colours which were good for me to visualise, a singing mouth/face to remind me to sing in my head. This was really helpful for a good number of years until I lost it and have never re-drawn it for whatever reason.

The good thing about having it on a piece of paper was that I could take it everywhere with me. I first drew it to enable myself to travel by plane again after several years of not doing so due to panic. After that I found it useful for all sorts of other situations too.

Kat, I also know the conscious decision to take to my addictions instead of helping myself. In a panic situation, I would use my First-Aid Kit though. I don't resort to my addictions when panicking.

[turnstone]

I'm new here and just came across this while digging around in the forums. Thanks for sharing this--I need nice clear reminders like this about how to do basic self-care.

[skyblue]

Kat this is a great idea. So making something concrete as in a personalised box of self soothers!.. is a reminder to do the things which one may not naturally do. Look forward to hearing how you get on with this and think i am going to try and do this also in some ways! I realised I do not have any pics of friends around my flat and have often thought about this. Its because I was made to feel so isolated within my family. Friends were not allowed. So this will be my first self soothing reminder I think...then to make a box of positive things! Best with it!