On being strong and available at the same time

[Blackbird]

Recently a bunch of things happened, some good some bad. It didn't trigger me (I think  ), I'm feeling stronger though.

A friend ressurfaced, sent me a bunch of antipsychiatry videos and I stood my ground and told him that if it wasn't for pills I would be talking to myself on the street or ending up on a grave more likely. I stopped answering his emails and will vanish from his life 

Another friend needs my help to deal with her boyfriend, she also suffered from some neglecting as a child, but no major abuse besides that I think, which left her some trauma as well, although I don't think it constitutes CPTSD, as it as not as strong and only shows in her relationships with others. Her boyfriend has bipolar as well and she asks for my help, I don't mind, I'm available to her.

An ex ressurfaced and wants to be friends again, I don't know what to make of that, I will meet him to see what he trully wants out of this, and see where I go from there. If I have the time, with work and my own interests I hardly ever get the time to go way one hour and half across town to be one hour with them and then come back. I need to take a whole afternoon out of my schedule and I'm not sure I'm up for it. Funny enough, in the past this particular ex ressurfacing would bring back all sorts of emotions and I would be swooning over him all over again, this time that didn't happen. I've been daydreaming about meeting someone who is worth it and treats me right, not because I feel lonely but because I deserve love.

All of this, and more that I will keep out of here, happened in the last week and I suppose I could've crumbled, remembered the loneliness I feel and how hard this whole ordeal has been so far, but I didn't. I'm calm and centered and being able to juggle between all of these events and triggering emotions without spiraling. I think this is good news.

I'm available for  my friends that in fact need me, want to hang out with me or just talk a bit about the latest whoever album, that's all fine. But I'm not available to being manipulated, that ship has sailed.

After so many years of being a puppet for others, I think I've grown!! 

[Three Roses]

 

[Blackbird]

Thanks Three Roses, baby steps! 

[ComplexHeart728]

This is great!  This is exactly what I am trying to accomplish.  I'm not quite sure how to go about it but you give me hope.  I'm very happy for you and I hope to learn from your example