How to find a good therapist

[Julia]

I'd like to start therapy again. I went about 6 months but needed a break. That was 9 months ago. It was such an ordeal to find someone close by who takes insurance, is near work or home, who I respect, etc. This time I'd like to find someone with trauma experience. My previous therapist never brought up the word "trauma," however, when I learned about ACES online it seemed like childhood trauma is the source of so many problems for me.

How do you find someone good? How do you find time and money? It's such an agonizing process to research people, call them, find out if they have availability, etc, etc.

I want to get help, but I don't have the time nor the energy to put into the whole thing right now.

[Three Roses]

Hello & welcome! We have a Download section under the Resources tab - http://www.outofthestorm.website/downloads/

Maybe something there will help. Unfortunately I am stuck with whoever my HMO gives me. Lucky for me, I like him. And I guess that saves me the hassle of looking for one.

Anyway, welcome aboard & thanks for joining

[Julia]

Thanks for the link, I'll take a look!

[lambchop]

  Julia,

As one who has been in and out of therapy over the last 40+ years I can tell you with absolute certainty that finding the right therapist takes a lot of hard work, and exhaustive amount of time. Or if the universe happens to be on your side, you might get lucky as Three Roses did. My therapy began at 19 when the universe was on my side and I found an amazing therapist who had the right combination compassion but knew when to push me. Moving out of state is why our relationship ended.

I've had many therapists since – some whose methods were ineffective for my needs (no reflection on them) and others who were downright incompetent or worse still, left me feeling worse than when I started.

I found one last year who I finally felt I was on a good path with and though she didn't quite rise to the level of my first therapist was a close second. I was pleased with how things were going but she ran into personal problems and couldn't practice for a while. When she finally resumed practice, I went on Medicare – insurance she doesn't accept.

It took a while to find her and now I'm back to square one. There's no getting around it, you have to do the hard work. I thought I could circumvent the task of finding therapists who specialize in trauma and take Medicare by going to my GP for a referral but the only recommendations he had didn't accept Medicare.

I'm in your same boat. So I started compiling my own list of psychologists/psychotherapists by going to Medicare.gov and using their find a doctor feature. Perhaps your insurance carrier has such a feature on their site. If not, I'd recommend using psychologytoday.com – it provides the most comprehensive listing of practitioners than other's I've tried. After printing out the list (of about 25) I Googled each one of them to see if they had a website that provides info on whether they have experience with trauma, abuse and/or ptsd, how long they've been in practice, etc. I would also check their credentials on psychologytoday.com which provides a detailed listing of mental health issues they are practiced in. After doing all that I narrowed it down to 5.

My next step is to call each one to schedule a phone consult so I can interview them and get a feel for whether I want to take the next step with them – in person consult. With some you have to pay for the consult out of pocket while others are willing to do an in person consult through their insurance carrier. After the in person session is when I make my decision on who to go with.

Unfortunately for our level of complexity finding the right therapist is yet another challenge. But we have proven to ourselves over and over just how resilient we are and can step up to it. 

[woodsgnome]

I've had several therapists for 30 years or so. The first one identified my symptoms as related to ptsd (pre cptsd as far as the definitions were at the time). She was good but moved away. In and out, I never did find a good match until the last couple of years.

In the meantime, I experienced a mostly disappointing trip with a variety of t's. One of the worst was one who insisted I fit into her patented program based on her master's thesis (fit the client into the pre-ordained block and prove the thesis); it was like being in someone's little people game where all fit tidily into her scheme. I felt used.

Then there were a few who did the old sit-back-and-say-nothing routine. I guess that's supposed to let the client talk it out, but I could do that anyplace, not have to pay a t for the privilege. Got to wonder if some were mannequins outfitted as t's. Another made a habit of chit-chat about irrelevant topics--such as what was my favourite brand of chain saw!

So the last time, I was determined to go only with someone I could fully trust. And she's turned out to be a gem. Her intro materials were good clues that she was different from the crowd. She stressed that she didn't do therapy to or for someone, but worked with the client to devise a useful means of exploring one's issues. While she has a great deal of expertise, she's very keen on guiding the client to help see their own path and then help them travel it.

I made a point of asking her what she knew of cptsd, since after reading Walker's book I knew I'd nailed an accurate summary of my issues. Turns out she did have knowledge of it but also a feel for the uniqueness of each individual's journey with its causes, development, symptoms, aftermath, and the truly 'complex' twists and turns it can take.

I'm old enough and poor enough to qualify for financial assistance, though; so that's a huge factor (my worst t's were all out-of-pocket as i had no insurance then).

Regardless, finding a good t is tricky territory. In the end, it's not just what do they know already, it's how they apply it, including how open they are to the client as a fellow human being, not some wreck there just to be fixed. Someone not full of themselves. And not afraid to find new horizons for themselves as well as their clients. 

[Lingurine]

Hi Julia, great question, one we all ask ourselves from time to time I think. For me it's important that I have a psychiatrist and not a psychologist. Has to do with meds prescriptions, but also I find them more all round. Mine has no problem to level with me and we talk like equals. The one I had before refused to talk about herself. That felt weird.

Good luck finding a good T.

Lingurine

[lambchop]

Lingurine, I hadn't considered a psychiatrist. Adding them to my research list .... Thanks!

[Deb]

In 2016 I was deeply betrayed and rejected by my long term therapist and Ive met with about 20 since then. My trust has been broken along with my heart. She did so much good and i began to heal and then she did so much damage. At times I feel I wont survive the loss and betrayal. So I hear you. Finding a good therapist is effing hard and very expensive! Ive come across a few who should not be practising and are frankly dangerous and many who dont have their heart in it. I dont know what to do.

[Kizzie]

I just want to pop in here and suggest that while not every T is suitable or right for us, and even T's who really shouldn't be in the profession (that's reality unfortunately) as you encountered Deb, there are many good, caring and effective ones. I'm curious if you looked at the links I and others posted re reporting your T and finding a more suitable one?  One agency that will help you personally (and others looking for a trauma T), and at no cost is the Sidran Institute.   As they write:

We receive thousands of calls and emails each year from trauma survivors, family members and professionals seeking guidance, resources and referrals. We have a wonderful group of dedicated staff that lends a compassionate ear to people in pain. We help people cope with, and heal from, their negative experiences by directing them to specialized trauma treatment centers, therapists, support groups and reading materials. This service has always been offered free of charge.

Also, I'm not sure if I mentioned this in a previous post, but there is a form called "Locating a Trauma Therapist" here that may also be useful.

I am so sorry that you had such a bad experience Deb and anyone else that has been through something similar.  One way of getting through it is to find a good T, so perhaps consider calling Sidran and see if they can lend a caring ear and hand. 

Lambchop has also provided some great ideas and there are a list of searchable databases and other info about trauma T's here http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?board=106.0.  As she says though, unfortunately "There's no getting around it, you have to do the hard work"  and typically when we least feel like it.  We are so worth it though 

[Deb]

Thanks for that info Kizzie, I;m going to email Sidran now.

[Kizzie]

    Terrific Deb, I hope they are helpful!