Is This the Right Thing to Do?

[Midori Svit-Kona]

My relationship of four years just ended last week.
We've both been really low this past year. We both struggle with a lot of emotional issues and while it's been good to be with someone who understands its also been hard being there for each other and trying to figure out how to take care of ourselves.
We weren't unhappy with each other, just with ourselves. When he started the conversation, he told me the therapist he's been talking to suggested he take some time to focus on himself outside of a relationship. He also told me that he can't make any promises about the future, that this has to be a break up rather than a break. He thinks it's healthier that way. All the reasons make sense. I told him that maybe it would be for the best. I also need to find a way to focus on recovering. We cried together for a couple of hours and just talked about how hard things have been and how hard they were gonna be without each other. We are each other's best friends. His dog was basically mine too. My whole world has been him for so long.
I keep wondering if this is a mistake. If there's a better way. I suggested couples therapy to him. Maybe a therapist could help us figure out how to balance working on ourselves and being together. He said it was something to think about but that he wasn't sure that was best because it still takes focus off of bettering ourselves.
I just can't believe that any of this is real. I've only just recently found out that I have C-PTSD and I don't know how hard finally working through this is going to be. I know I've been putting it off a lot, so this may be a push to finally work on it for real. Maybe I do need to do that alone, but I just can't help but feel like this is all wrong and that if we tried hard enough we could do this together. But I don't want to be selfish. He seems to believe this is what he really needs and I want him to finally really be happy.

[Three Roses]

It can be so difficult to know what's best. But, because his therapist has suggested it, it may be best to let him go. It's my opinion that in order to really heal, you must focus on yourself. That can be impossible to do when you're also trying to work on a relationship.

I'm sorry for the pain your going thru. We'll be here to listen as long as you need us.

[Kat]

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation.  Four years is a long time, so breaking it off is no small thing.  I don't really have an answer for you.  I just want to reassure you that you can always pop in here for support.  From what you wrote, it doesn't sound like you are in individual therapy yourself.  That might be a first step in processing all of this.  Baby steps.  Take good care of yourself.

[Candid]

I hope you two will be able to have occasional contact, Midori. With a recent diagnosis of CPTSD you need to be able to focus on yourself first and foremost, but a supportive sounding-board is a great help.

We'll be 'listeners' as well. I'm glad you've found us. 

[Midori Svit-Kona]

Thank you all for advice and support. I actually just started individual therapy again. Hopefully that will do some good.

[sanmagic7]

after 15 yrs. of marriage, i had to leave my hub.  i wasn't getting any farther in my healing where i was.   it was difficult, we're still in love, but i believe in my heart it's better this way for both of us.

he used to worry about me constantly; now that's taken away and he can focus on himself, while i am now in a different place with better health care and weather and can relax a bit more.  we were bickering constantly, and it was just not good for either of us.

it sounds like you now have the time and space to work on your own recovery and healing, and the same for him.  who knows what the future will bring, but i do believe it can be a good one no matter what happens between the two of you.

my heart is with you.  big hug as you go through this transition.  i hope you take care of yourself as best you can.