Intro Post

[GenericUsername]

Figured I should write this.
I'm not even sure if I have CPTSD, but I was reading something online about it and figured I'd check it out. To keep things short, I'll just say a few things.
Me and my 3 siblings were emotionally and physically abused by both parents as a kid, mostly my mom as my dad worked crazy hours. We had nothing and were living illegally on my grandma's farm. She didn't like us either. I don't know if I'd say they neglected us but we definitely didn't have what we needed (like water, beds, clothes, food).
My mom abandoned us when I was in gr2 and we had to live with my grandma. She hated us, and made sure we knew it. We were physically and emotionally abused there too. We ate 2 meals on a good day when we lived there.
Since then my parents got us back. More abuse. There's also domestic abuse, my dad likes to hit and break things. I have anxiety, depression, and dissociate, plus whatever else. I deal with anxiety and panic attacks, and what I'm now learning is emotional flashbacks. I can't deal with a lot of normal people things, but I'll get kicked out if I don't do what my parents say.
I have problems relating/talking to others, it's as if there's someone there to tell me no one cares, no one ever cares, people don't wanna listen to you. I have no real friends, the only "friend" I have is highly abusive. If this is how hard life is now, I'm not excited to adult

**Sorry if this doesn't make sense/flow, I just needed to get stuff out. I'm happy to have a name for something affecting me

[Three Roses]

Welcome, GenericUsername! What a great name, you have a great sense of humor.

...we definitely didn't have what we needed (like water, beds, clothes, food).

Yes, this is neglect, I'm sorry to say.

...it's as if there's someone there to tell me no one cares, no one ever cares, people don't wanna listen to you.

This sounds like what we refer to as an Inner Critic, or IC. There is also an Outer Critic. They are relentless and scathing in their view of us/others. It's important to know these voices are not you, or an alternate personality - I think they are what's referred to as a construct. They're created by living in a CPTSD-inducing environment.

As to whether you "have" CPTSD, no one here is qualified to diagnose you, but the circumstances you've described are certainly enough to cause it.  Also, many of us here are self-diagnosed because psychotherapy in the US is a little behind places like Australia, where the Blue Knot Foundation is centered.

I'm sorry, that's kind of a lot to throw at you right off the bat. I look forward to hearing more from you! Feel free to ask questions or make comments in the threads. Thanks for joining!

[radical]

Welcome to the board, GenericUsername.

Your post didn't sound disjointed to me.  I'm sorry your childhood was so painful.  Your symptoms certainly make sense in the light of it.

It's good to hear from you.  I hope you come to find this as safe and as healing as i have.
Looking forward to hearing more from you.

[Kat]

Wow, you're a young 'un. I only point this out because I know I didn't have the abilities of self-reflection you have. I was just kind of an * without knowing why I was so angry and such a jerk.

You said something about not being excited to be an adult. The really cool thing--for me--about getting out of high school and then out of my parents' house was that no one knew me. I could be who I wanted to be (or who I truly am).  I was no longer "that girl who always cried" or the girl who looked like a boy or whatever.

Hang in there. Keep writing and reading.   

Welcome.

[Boatsetsailrose]

Hi generic
I am so glad you are here ...
I relate to the issues you identify
Just wanted to raise about you saying there is abuse in your house and also your friend ... as a young person do you know where u can get some support in your community ... is there a childline to call or something ? The main priority right now is that you get to a safe situation and are not receiving anymore mis treatment