Feel So Alone

[mimi26]

My first time here.    I am just feeling so alone because no one seems to understand my situation.   Abusive marriage for twenty years.   He particularly kept the trauma going non-stop for the past five years.   Has used my friends and children to help him.   Left me homeless, I would have to beg for money for food, used crazy psychological games.    Controls all of my communications and no matter what I do he seems to find a way to continue to control my communications, even though we don't live together.   Has had me followed and terrorized by others coming in my house when I leave.   Whatever I talk about on the phone with anyone is responded to.   For example I told a family member I wanted to lose weight and few days later, my scale was broken.   If I try go on certain websites he blocks me.   He deletes emails people send to me and blocks phone calls.    Another example, I was trying to send my daughter a birthday gift out of town and he kept blocking me from making a purchase on line.   I was listening to music the other night on iTunes and he kept changing the songs.    I told my son I needed to order contacts and then my contacts were stolen out of my car.     I tried to back up my computer because he has caused it to completely crash before, causing me to lose all of my photos, and he would not allow me to back it up.   He basically has remote access to my computer and I have tried everything from new computer to new router.   He constantly changes my passwords to even my bank account.   I have paid thousands of dollars trying to find a profession who can keep him out but it never works.   He does not work and has made a job out of terrorizing me.    Worst of all he has turned my children against me.   Basically anything that was important he has taken away from me.   My children, my home, my money, my ability to get a job, my freedom to communicate, my dog, my cat.  I am at my wits end at how to not let it bother me because I know that is what he feeds on, but when you deal with this every single day, it is difficult.    I feel so violated.   No matter what I say in my home, in my car, on my phone he somehow even repeated a conversation I had with my therapist and I don't even take my phone in with me.    I know it sounds crazy, but that is the point of what he is doing.   I could only get on this forum in the middle of the night.   I tried all day today and I was blocked.     

[AphoticAtramentous]

Oh dear, I'm really sorry to hear all this. This seems like too much.
Have you tried contacting the police before? If he his THIS controlling, you NEED to do something about it. You shouldn't have to live with this, nobody should. It's all very concerning, mimi. But welcome to the forum. I hope things get better for you.
Honestly it baffles me how people can be this over controlling, I just don't know why anyone would want to do this kind of $%^&#! to someone. I really recommend you try and find some help. Not from just therapists or whatever, but actual physical help, where people can take you away from that mess.

[mimi26]

You have no idea how much it means to me that someone has heard me.     I have gone to the police.    He has manipulated them.    I am in therapy, but most of the time is just describing the crazy that has happened that week.   On top of all of the constant control and terrorizing and I currently have three different lawsuits in three different states, due to him, and just finished one where he trapped me and then said I forged a check causing the bank to close my account.   He constantly threatens to have me arrested.    He physically abused me in another state, in a very small town where he has influence, and then turned around is suing me for emotional abuse, because he would provoke email conversations with me and then obliterated my computer so I have no proof of his emails and he has even written emails "from" me to him, that I have not written.     He constantly provokes me and then uses it against me.    He has set many legal traps for me, when most of the time I trusted him to be my protector only to find out later, it was a trap to be used against me.    I just want to have a normal life, and be the strong independent person that I used to be.   Recently I realized just how many traps he set for me throughout our entire marriage and it is what he has used to turn people against me.   

[Three Roses]

I'm so sorry to hear you're going thru such tough times!  I don't really have anything to add except that both the OOTS and OOTF websites were down for most of yesterday. IT was contacted but I haven't heard any updates yet about what the problem was.

[Kat]

I'm glad you made your way here.  What you've described sounds like absolute *.  I'm so sorry. 

I second what AphoticAtramentous said about getting help beyond just seeing a therapist.  I would urge you to find a group that specializes in getting women out of abusive relationships.  They won't be fooled by his tactics as they've likely seen it all.   

[mimi26]

When I try to call my daughter and my own phone rings, yet I have no access because I have a black screen...... no one in the world has this many "coincidences"  and anomalies.      He used to lock my SIM card especially when someone needed me or I was in a dangerous situation.      Especially when it comes to our daughter.    IF she was crying and needed me he would lock it up.   Once he even shut me through the cell carrier.    The sad thing is he has done it mostly when. a girl needs her mother.    to embarrass her.   that is the most sad part of all.   He doesn't get that what he is doing is more importantly hurting his own child.   IT is not about hurting me.   He doesn't understand when he hurts me, he hurts everyone.   OR maybe he does.   that is why he does it.    But it is sick.    As a mother, there is nothing worse than seeing your children suffer and be dislocated.   

[JamesG]

what a monster....

hugs
xx