Justin's Journal 9.27.17

[ajvander86]

Hey all,

This is the start of my recovery journal.  I will say that I am ecstatic to learn about cptsd and that I have.  I am also happy I have found tools to be able to cope and heal from it. 

I'm angry that I developed this because of how intense the traumatic situations, the abuse and the neglect was in my household growing up.  I'm angry all the therapists and doctors I went to see over the years never brought up emotional trauma, cptsd, or how to heal from it.  If there's a problem with a child to the point where the child is brought to therapy, wouldn't abuse in the home be the first thing the therapist investigates?

I'm angry that this condition has kept me so isolated and so unable to connect with people in a real and genuine way, preventing me from having any real lasting successful intimate relationships.  I'm angry that I was a good student and a good person growing up and I was almost destroyed by my mother and father and their ineptitude and abusive/neglectful acts.  The amount of pain and struggle that I have had to go through is unreal looking back. 

But I am going to heal adequately now to allow me to lead a happy and fully life from here on out.  And no more abusers or bullies are going to be allowed in my life. 

[ajvander86]

9.30.17

Doing well today so far.  I am able to observe my emotional flashbacks when they happen and are triggered by various things.  They are more intense than I would have thought, and I am loving the concept that there is indeed a state of being where these flashbacks aren't immensely diminished as I move through my life. 

I met a rather attractive woman the day other day when I was getting my haircut, and she starts talking to me about how she has what she thinks is ptsd and bpd.  I sat up in my chair, and she promptly asked me to sit back down because I'm tall, but I started to tell her about my experiences and my discovery of cptsd and it might be what she's going through as well.  We started talking more and she gave me her number and asked to go get some coffee sometime to talk about it more.  How bout that?

It feels good to have people who are understanding and who can understand what I struggle with and what I've always struggled with in life.  My emotional self and inner child is feeling happier and more whole day by day.  I've actually got a whole arsenal of tools for healing from trauma that are working wonders that I will be sharing as the time goes on here.  Talk soon.

[Three Roses]

Glad you're having a good day. Doesn't it feel awesome? Thanks for the post, you lifted my spirits.