Rejection (possible trigger)

[lonewolf]

I'm having a very troubled week. Rejection is a tough one. I'm facing it a lot with my family lately since I am voicing my pain and anger about my mother's abuse.  I feel my throat closing up and my heart shutting down because people who I am supposed to love/be loved (family) refuse to listen to me or let me speak. It's painful to realize that people don't want to engage with you when you tell the truth about your own experience. I am feeling rejected AGAIN. It's really painful. I feel so ganged up on by my family. As though they are all talking behind closed doors about this troubled person (me) in their family. I keep talking about these darn Nancy Drew books on the forum that I bought for my IC to make her happy, but now I am wondering what the heck I bought them for? So I can escape? I hate feeling this messed up. I thought I was making progress, but now I am not sure. I think I am going backwards in time.

[keepfighting]

Dear Lonewolf,



This is so unfair; you don't deserve to be frozen out of your FOO.

I can feel your pain - same thing happened to me - and I wish I could offer you a shoulder to cry on.  At least know that you are not alone. 

Sending you many good thoughts and cyber hugs.

[schrödinger's cat]

It hurts more if you're rejected by people whose role it actually would be to support you. At least that's what it was like for me. If a stranger or an acquaintance acts like a jerk, it's a lot easier to shrug off. I'm sorry to hear that your family reacted so coldly. This sounds like a hideously unsettling situation to be in. 

Don't give up. The thing is, sometimes it's a blessing in disguise if people openly act as jerks. It's a litmust test. They're showing their true colours. Granted, maybe there's still hope and they'll come around after a while. But for the time being: is that how your family of origin has always treated you? Were they always THAT unwilling to consider your point of view, instead shaming and blaming you for anything you did or said that rocked the boat? Have you always been that abandoned?

If your folks have always been like that, then - would it be so very bad if your Inner Child wanted a few hours of escape? I think it would only show that she has a great deal of common sense. There are some situations that you MUST escape from. Your heart can take only so much pain. You desperately need to find something that's funny or happy or entertaining, something that gives you the feeling that THIS isn't all there is - that it IS possible to have true friends, that justice CAN prevail, that you can live in the headspace of someone who's able to just go and do things.

[Widdiful Falling]

 

I really hope things start looking up soon. They definitely will, eventually! Even though it feels like it will never end, it will. Your inner child sounds delightful. Listen to her. If she needs escape, please take care of her, and yourself. Indulge yourself. You are worth it.

I wish I could give you all of the hugs.

 

[fairyslipper]

lonewolf, I am very sorry you are having to deal with this with your family.  That can be one of the hardest parts of healing I think. And to be honest one of the BIGGEST signs of progress! We feel like we are finally putting pieces together and getting stronger only to be knocked down, put back in our place so to speak, by the very people who should be our cheerleaders and be happy for us. It sounds like you are a scapegoat in  your family. It is so much easier for them to blame you, rather than look at their own failings. Everything is fine-ish when  you bite your tongue and keep up the status quo, but when you start making strides in  your healing it really upsets the apple cart and unfortunately the stuff begins to fly most of the time.

I went through the exact same thing with my family and they all basically walked out of my life 3 years ago. It is a tough place to be but in the end, our health (emotional, physical and mental) is the most important thing. It hurts like crazy to be treated this way, but in time we realize we are so much better off without all of their stuff, and we usually minimize or end contact.  I wish so much I could say something that will make it all better.  Just keep taking care of you and your inner child. It really doesn't matter why you bought the books. Something inside of you needed them. Enjoy them, treat yourself, build up that sweet inner child and continue healing. 

[Rrecovery]

Lonewolf, I know how painful this situation is.  The same thing happened to me too.  Looking back now, I see that it was a turning point in my healing, for the way better.  You might feel temped to judge/reject your inner-child in the midst of this crisis, I encourage you to nurture and love her all the more.  You and she can start a new family of origin where there is always love, understanding and inclusion.