question regarding "inners/littles/others/ or what do you call them

[Andyman73]

But honestly...can't let them speak directly, as the moderators there keep a sharp eye out on things. And only the account owner is officially allowed to speak. Which indirectly, really hurts...makes them, and me feel invisible and invalidated. I know it's not done out of spite or anything, just the rules. 

I get how you feel there. I would love to be more open with my alters, I think at times they can be a fascinating thing and my more defined alters are seeming to always want to jump out and be included in the fun but alas... people would find it a little strange that I'm acting a little hyper and overly sensitive all of a sudden. >.> And of course, it's against the rules. :\

Just a random question that's sprung up though kinda related to alters and what not, has anyone ever read their own posts here and felt really confused? Like; "I wrote that. But this doesn't sound anything like me! Why did I say that? What on earth was I thinking when I posted this?"
Cause I feel like that for like, 75% of my posts. Haha

I have wondered of late, all my lost/missing time..who was here?

And yes...I have gone back to old posts for unknown reasons and not be able to make sense of it. Not that it was jibberish, just...no idea what I was thinking or why I wrote that. It really throws me for a loop when I come across one.  AA, You're just simply awesome!!! 

[AphoticAtramentous]

I feel less confused about what I wanted to say, but I'm continuously re-editing as if I could somehow say it better. That said, I often agonize over saying anything, as I'm still unlearning self-doubt in favour of a self-worth outlook. Self-doubt wins too often, but it's a big problem, I feel.

Of course part of this is the desperate reach for perfectionism many of us feel; we were told we never got it right and didn't deserve to be heard. Then we were often misunderstood if and when we did dare to say what we felt, were belittled or worse, and took our hurt inside. Then we wonder if anyone else gets us, or ever will.

I think it just goes with the territory of wanting to figure any of this out, while at the same time trying to get through another day (or minute). That said, it's all new territory, this land we're trying to find beyond the hurt. It's so bad that just staying hurt can feel better than this effort to be understood.

I can get a bit like that too. Though sometimes my perfection has completely dropped off the face of the earth and I think; "Eh, who cares!" Which is I think it's more of an alter thing than anything else.
But I do also look back at my posts and think of how better they could be written or what not, also am hesitant about posting anything at all due to the perfectionistic tendencies. :S It sucks. It feels like everything I type will somehow be judged and assessed which isn't the case at all! I don't read others' posts and think "They could have done this better", I just don't. People make misspellings, typos, whatever, we're human. I just wish I could see myself the same way. I guess it just takes time.

I have wondered of late, all my lost/missing time..who was here?

And yes...I have gone back to old posts for unknown reasons and not be able to make sense of it. Not that it was jibberish, just...no idea what I was thinking or why I wrote that. It really throws me for a loop when I come across one.  AA, You're just simply awesome!!! 

Thanks, mate. I feel very much the same. Especially that "all my lost/missing time..who was here?". I barely remember anything from my day to day life. It makes filling out my Mood Diary way more harder than it should be. I wish I knew how good the average human memory is, so I have something to compare to and know if I'm just overreacting or not. But my good friend remembers more about my own life than I do, haha. So maybe I'm not overreacting? Hmm...

[Andyman73]

AA, I barely remember my day to day life. So often I barely remember things my wife tells me. Granted she goes on and on about stuff that doesn't pertain to me at all.  Then she gets ugly about it. So often she gaslights me though. Only telling me barely any details and then get flippin mad when I have no idea what she's talking about.  And woe unto me if I dare ask a question!

But she knows I have bonified memory issues, I've been tested and diagnosed with severe memory issues.

[I like vanilla]

I have a bunch of inner beings. Not all of them are human. The inner-child-type ones tend to be in colours (I think in colours). They seem to arise for me at various times as I work through issues in therapy. I suspect that they 'house' different parts of me (the active, happy part; the scared, hiding part; etc.) that were too big, too unmanageable, and/or too taboo for me to have expressed them at the time. Now, I find it useful to interact with them as they help me understand what they need and want, so that I can try to help get them that. For me, the inner beings all know each other and sometimes interact with one another, either through my prompting or on their own. I find it useful to have these interactions - me with them, them with each other - in helping me to know them and so also to know myself.

[AphoticAtramentous]

AA, I barely remember my day to day life. So often I barely remember things my wife tells me. Granted she goes on and on about stuff that doesn't pertain to me at all.  Then she gets ugly about it. So often she gaslights me though. Only telling me barely any details and then get flippin mad when I have no idea what she's talking about.  And woe unto me if I dare ask a question!

But she knows I have bonified memory issues, I've been tested and diagnosed with severe memory issues.

Aww. That sounds terribly hard to deal with Andy. I sympathise with you.

If I may ask, where did you get your memory tested? GP? Psych? I feel I should really get myself tested but not sure how or where.

I have a bunch of inner beings. Not all of them are human. The inner-child-type ones tend to be in colours (I think in colours). They seem to arise for me at various times as I work through issues in therapy. I suspect that they 'house' different parts of me (the active, happy part; the scared, hiding part; etc.) that were too big, too unmanageable, and/or too taboo for me to have expressed them at the time. Now, I find it useful to interact with them as they help me understand what they need and want, so that I can try to help get them that. For me, the inner beings all know each other and sometimes interact with one another, either through my prompting or on their own. I find it useful to have these interactions - me with them, them with each other - in helping me to know them and so also to know myself.

That's really interesting, Vanilla. Nice to know you can have those interactions with your inners, must be very helpful.

[Andyman73]

Aww. That sounds terribly hard to deal with Andy. I sympathise with you.

If I may ask, where did you get your memory tested? GP? Psych? I feel I should really get myself tested but not sure how or where.

Thank you. I really apprecieate that.

Where? At my local Veteran's Hospital. My therapist there wrote me up for it. Had told him that I was losing time. He just wanted to rule out physical causes like dementia and alzheimer's.  That's been the only assessment of my mind, in all of my life. Been trying to do the MIDS assessment...it's a bit much when you only have access via your smart phone! 

[Andyman73]

I like Vanilla.....you are the very first I've ever met, that thinks in colors. Nice to meet you! I've heard of it, and even the main character in a book series thinks in colors.

Sounds like you got a whole team working with you. That's wonderful. I do wish just a little bit, I could work with mine like that. So much lost/missing time...wish I they could share with me what was hidden away.