Not sure what to do (domestic abuse trigger warning)

[moonlightnanana]

So my mom lives with my dad who treats her like crap... meanwhile I'm in a foreign country trying to plan my move back to America. Problem is, I don't want to live with my family. Just seeing the way my dad puts down my mom every single day (and most people he comes across) made me sick when I visited them for 10 days. AFTER ONLY 10 days of being with them this past summer, I was ready to get the h*ll out back to Asia.

Another problem, I want to continue my relationship with my mom, but she won't leave my dad because her English is not that good (she's from central america) and she relies on him for money. I really don't know what I should do. I distanced myself from my mom because it just hurts too much... she lives with such a horrible man and has no friends.  He is  extremely controlling too.  I can't even enjoy a nice dinner out with my parents because I'm so conscious of how my dad puts down my mom, even in front of the waitresses/waiters, and I know strangers can see how messed up their relationship is and that makes me feel so ashamed.

And she stays with my dad because she knows he'll support my graduate school studies. Well god, how am I supposed to feel... ugh anyway I digress...

I'm done with trying to convince her, that hurt too much too, but ... I have no idea what to do in terms of forming a relationship with her. My instinct is to continue to hide in Asia making money, not needing to rely on dad, not needed to feel obligating to talk to him... but then what? I'll regret it when my mom dies, it feels like I'm abandoning her. Honestly I don't have a relationship with my parents at this point but if there's a way to rebuild some type of relationship without getting hurt I'd like to know how to do that...

I feel sorry for my dad because he's been having health problems, but then a part of me wishes he would pass away. My mom would do everything to take care of him if he got sick, but I absolutely cannot picture him taking care of her when she gets older. And I'm the only child, so it all depends on me.

[Three Roses]

I was in a similar spot with my parents when they were alive. I would ask mom to go out with me, alone, but she'd refuse, saying that the days of "the silent treatment" that would follow were too hard to go thru.

I was never able to have as close a relationship with her as I wanted - not only because of dad's controlling nature but also due to her own timidity and addiction to his approval.

I hope you find a comfortable balance.

[dsgirl]

I may have interpreted this wrong but it feels like you may feel a little responsible for your Mom staying with your Dad.
Please don't, that's outside your control and a culmination of life decisions that she has made, on her behalf and yours.
It might be good to get some 'Mom / daughter' time separate from your Dad, and maybe some support for you, so that you don't gravitate towards a relationship of that nature

[BlancaLap]

I don't know what to say, but i hope someone else can help you!