Breaking the Chain

[Hope67]

You kept me near, you clipped my wings,
I never understood about those things,
You kept from me, secrets you held,
And all along, I felt compelled...

To lie for you, to keep up the pretense,
Of Golden Family life

But Golden is a gilded cage,
Within which I feel such rage,
I know the door is open now,
But still I see my furrowed brow

As I struggle to understand,
How you could be so cruel,
So selfish and so self-absorbed
Narcissistic, talloned claws...

I cannot forget, and I cannot forgive,
I want to break free, but I still fear the reprisals
But I believe it will get easier, and I hope it will unravel,
So I can see the clear pools before me...

Hope 

[Deep Blue]

Hope that was beautiful.

[Kizzie]

all along, I felt compelled...

To lie for you, to keep up the pretense,
Of Golden Family life

But Golden is a gilded cage,
Within which I feel such rage,

This sounds like my childhood Hope, the whole Golden Family Life thing that was such a lie.  I still feel deep anger too at being forced to go along.  I understand it better now and I even feel some compassion for my parents who went through a lot of trauma themselves, but I can't forgive either.  It would be like turning my back on younger me and what she went through and I just can't do that to her any more - sacrifice her for them.  I don't know if you can relate but I feel a little stuck between anger and compassion.

[Estella]

Hope, that was beautiful, feel a little tearful after reading through, although it gives me hope that you wrote it. Safe 

[Hope67]

Hi Deep Blue,
Thank you so much for saying that. 

Hi Kizzie,
I'm glad that you haven't turned your back on younger you, and that you don't sacrifice her for your FOO - I hear what you're saying about being stuck between anger and compassion - I don't feel I'm as far along as you yet, because I am only tentatively connecting to my emotions at this point - but I think I do relate to what you say here - and thank you for replying to say what you did. 

Hi Estella,
Thank you - and I appreciate so much the safe  and would like to extend those to you, to Kizzie and to Deep Blue - thank you so much  for replying and reading my poem.

Writing that poem was such a spontaneous thing - I didn't know what I was going to write, and it just came out - as if communicated by my subconscious, although of course it was 'conscious' - I found it therapeutic, and when I read it back, it also made me tearful.   

Hope 

[Kizzie]

 

[Hope67]

 

[LittleBoat]

Ending so lovely.  Clear pools.  Very evocative.