Just another day

[mourningme]

The way I feel day after day is so exhausting. It goes like this:
Before my eyes open the instant I wake up the beast is there.
If I managed any sleep at all, it was hopelessly filled with horrible dreams.
As soon as I feel the beast, the rage sets in.  White hot rage. About the symptoms, all of them, about the cause, about the impact on my daily life of events (in my case) that I was not protected from.  The rage that this is never to be cured. Just coped with. The rage of knowing I have a chronic mental illness that I can never escape CAUSED to me NOT born in me. CAUSED to me.
Minute 2
The despair. Always the despair.
The grieving. The grief over my own living self. Mourning the loss of my self.
....and that is the end of everyday before it even begins so bring on depression for breakfast and anxiety until I drop from physical and emotional exhaustion into a dark sleepless night.

[Andyman73]

Hi Mourningme,
Would  be okay? Can we sit with you? Can talk or not, just want to be here, so you not alone. Never have to be alone ever again. We don't have rage like that, okay, we do, but we keep it locked away in a deep dark hole. It not good and not behave so we can't let it out. Scares us too much. and Makes our head really really hot inside....which is just no fun!
We can be your friend, and sit and listen to you talk, or sit in supporting silence too.