A new Beginning

[andreeya]

    Tis could be a pretty boring title but to me it isnt at all,  Its a welcoming title that I will all ways stand by.  Thsi joiurnal is going to be about finding great ways to move through hard times.

One thing that is true about me is that I have complrx PTSD and Ive been in denial about it.

Im not sure what the cause is though I though I new but now Im just confused.

                          To make my storie a little more complete I can say I that I thought my boyfriend was a pyschopath in the beginning, now Im not sure. I moved out and he changed and has been a nice man ever since. Its been 8 months. Now Im not sure what to think. Im confused and feel alone in this.   I tried to find a pyschologist to listen to my story but no luck so far. I feel im on my own in this.  Ive lost almost everything but not due to my boyfriend.  Family.  IM starting all over and it tough. Im starting all over again with my life , not the same person I used to be but hopelfully better aside from PTSD. I have it pretty bad.     Thats all for now.  thanks

                             

[sanmagic7]

hey, andreeya,  so glad you decided to begin your journal.  it sounds like the title is completely appropriate for you.  well done.

i know you've written about your boyfriend before, how he's seemed to have changed since you've moved out.  may i please offer a caution to you?  i've seen this happen a lot with relationships, and it happened to me as well with my first husband.  things were horrible, we split up, i went my own way, and out of the blue, he began calling again, so sweet, very nice, took me on vacation to a mexican resort town, invited me for a skiing weekend in the rockies - it was nothing but great, great, great.

looking back, after things began going badly in our marriage, none of those types of things happened.  it was only after i wasn't with him that all these great things took place.  eventually, after about a year of separation, i went back to him.  it took about 3-4 mos. of being back with him that things got synergistically worse.  horribly worse.  worse to the point that when i discovered i was pregnant, he begged me to keep the baby, everything would work out, and 7 1/2 mos. later, told me he didn't want to be married anymore.  i went to live with a girlfriend, who helped me have the baby.

even after me and my baby moved back to my hometown, he began calling again, with more 'bait' (as i thought of it) dangling in front of my nose. the first was that  he was going to fly me and the baby out to where he was so i could go to a concert with him;  the kicker was that he was moving to where we'd always wanted to live and wanted me to come with him.  the temptation to go was nearly overwhelming.

happily, i resisted.  later in life i knew some of the other women in his life, and it was all the same that i'd gone thru.  cheating, lying, treating them like dirt after he'd gotten them on the hook and in a relationship.  it was painful to see, but i was so glad i didn't give in a second time.

i know that i can't tell you what to do.  this hasn't been my only experience like this, tho.  and, yes, it is confusing.  how can he be one way when we're together, then be totally different when i'm not with him.  you had been under his thumb once, he wants you there again, and he'll do anything to make that happen.  that's my perspective on this.

my best to you with this.  sending you a hug full of love and clarity.