3R's Path of Recovery

[Three Roses]

Thanks, everyone!

It's truly been one of the biggest things I need to recover from. I've heard it called "the disease to please". But I don't see it that way - in my past, displeasing, hurting, angering someone was the first step in a long, painful spiral down into severe abuse.

It's not a disease I caught. It's not a trait I inherited. It's not a character flaw. It is a once useful coping skill that my tiny self used for survival, which is now outdated, cumbersome and dysfunctional.

I simply must be ready to hear the disapproval of others - to hear when I've been hurtful - to examine my missteps, and see them as just that - and not some terrible breaking of rules that call for my punishment. This goes so deeply within me.

[sanmagic7]

when the bulk of our experience has been absolute punishment for stepping out of line, rocking the boat, making a mistake, it's difficult to throw off that cloak of fear and caution.   you're absolutely right that being cautious and distant is no disease or any of those other labels.  i do hope that you will be able to continue making those steps, no matter how small, to being more open, showing those tiny slivers of vulnerability.

you, 3roses, and the others here have allowed me that vulnerability, and i'm so very grateful.  it was difficult, but so gratifying in the end.  thank you for that.  warm, loving hug to you.

[Three Roses]

Small news but a relief to me - my friend and I (who I thought I'd hurt) have talked on the phone and she was afraid of the same thing! Seems like both of us felt we had hurry the otter, but were unhurt ourselves.

I'm relieved.

Edited to add note to self; remember to prod read before hitting "post".
Hurry the otter should read "hurt the other"

[Sceal]

So happy to hear that you have both cleared the air, and that no one was actually hurt!

[Hope67]

 

I am glad things went well between you and your friend, Three Roses.   

Hope 

[DecimalRocket]

It's a sweet relief when all the fear is just a misunderstanding. People talk about how we have the illusion against the ugly truth, but to not see the beautiful truth is as much as a mistake as that.

Take care, 3Roses. 

[Three Roses]

Badly dissociated. Can barely speak. Can't write very well either. Massive headache. Trouble putting thoughts together. All I want to do is sleep. I am so withdrawn. But I wanted to track it by writing it down here. Triggered in a social situation yesterday.

[Blueberry]

   if not too 'close', or just standing with you.

[radical]

I'm glad you wrote it TR.
I wish there was more help I could give other than sending caring thoughts.
I know it can feel interminable, but it's not.
Please be kind to yourself

[sanmagic7]

with you all the way, 3roses.  warm, gentle, caring hug filled with love and comfort.  maybe a visit to the porch may help. 

[Sceal]

Sending you strength to fight the dissociative state. I hope you feel better soon!

[Hope67]

Hi Three Roses,
Just wanted to add a very gentle hug - hope you feel better soon, and that you're ok.   
Hope 

[Three Roses]

Thanks everyone! Feeling better. I'm thankful for this place. 

[Elphanigh]

So glad to hear that Three Roses, sending warm hugs and hopes you continue to feel better

[DecimalRocket]

That's wonderful to hear.