I"m falling for a guy way too old for me, TW mention of incest

[Dee]

I haven't dated since my divorce two years ago.  It isn't because there are a lack of men, but because I don't like any of them.  I don't feel I can connect.  I don't feel they are stable.  I also feel that the thing they are drawn to is my looks.  I'm not comfortable around them at all.

I've been doing volunteer work and it has put me in contact with a man who is old enough to be my dad, two years younger than my mom.  He is stable, mature, healthy.  I can talk to him for hours and have.  I find myself wanting more.  And then I wonder, am I drawn to him because he is a father figure?  I think it is sick if I am.  I did feel I had a special relationship with my dad growing up.  I felt he was the only person who loved me.  He also encouraged that.  Here I am at 44 feeling special to a guy who is old enough to be my dad.  I think I'm disgusting.

[Blueberry]

Dee, I don't think you're disgusting! I'm no expert on relationships, but... You could be attracted to him because you like spending time with him talking and working together and because he's stable, mature and healthy. There might be a little bit of 'father figure' in there, but if so, it seems a healthy father figure. If you developed anything with him, that would just be something to watch out for.

I'd be more worried if you felt attracted to somebody profoundly unhealthy. I wish you self-acceptance for Easter! (Not in a bad or condescending way, I do know how hard it is.)

[Three Roses]

You are not disgusting! What if you're just attracted to him because he's easy to talk to, and his age is irrelevant? It's difficult enough for us to find meaningful connections, IMO we shouldn't have to disqualify people for age or race or whatever. Just my two cents' worth. 

[sanmagic7]

dee,

i think if you were feeling like a little girl around him, rather than an adult woman relating to an adult man, that may be a red flag.  it you began reverting to little girl ways, how you were with your dad when you were younger, then there may be a problem.

otherwise, i agree with blueberry - healthy, safe-feeling relationships can come no matter what the age.  just monitor yourself for a bit when you're around him to detect signs of looking at him like a child would look at her daddy.  even then, no need for disgust.  it's a learning experience.    love and a big hug. 

[Dee]

Thank you, I needed a little reassurance.