Overwhelmed

[Estella]

Does anyone else here feel those moments of being completely overwhelmed?  I'm not sure if it's an EF or just a lack of knowing what to do when something positive happens.

Example: my neighbours got a higher fence, now I don't have to panic about upsetting their kids with my self harm scars. Couldn't stop crying for a full ten minutes when my husband told me because I felt so much relief. I don't like children seeing my old scars, even though they're barely visible. I don't know, just feel too strongly I guess.

[DecimalRocket]

I can relate to fearing what people think. Not in physical scars, but the things I say. I grew up with parents who got bored and distracted when I talked, and I somehow learned to stay silent.

Take care.  if that's okay.

[Estella]

Thanks decimal rocket. I'm sorry you weren't listened to. Is it overwhelming now sometimes, when you are heard?

[California Dreaming]

Yes, I feel overwhelmed sometimes. " Just feel too strongly I guess": Was this a message that was given to you in childhood? I was told that I was too sensitive and that I should suck it up and get over it. Very damaging messages that eventually led me to suppress my feelings. I have learned more and more how to feel my feelings without trying to anesthetize them.

[Estella]

Yes, it was. If I was emotional, I had to be alone. Its become a bit of a pattern.

[California Dreaming]

Thank you for your reply.
In response to, "I'm not sure if it's an EF or just a lack of knowing what to do when something positive happens," It seems to me like it could be a combination of both. I really don't know. I definitely can see the EF component. It's impossible for me to know how another person is feeling, but the scenario that you described reminds of when I feel shame around my past. In your case, the children possibly being upset by seeing your self-harm scars could cause flashbacks of self-harm and the emotions associated with the times that you were engaged in self-harm. The wonderful part is that you aren't making new scars

[Estella]

Thank you, yeah, no more scars for me  never again.

Yeah, I think there's always been a lot of guilt around what I'd done, keeping them out of the view of people and children especially. I found it distressing as a young person to see others with self injury scars, just felt so upset that others used self harm as a coping mechanism too.

[jamesG.1]

I increasingly refuse to feel any of the shame or guilt that events put on me, or how I reacted. I just feel that we react under pressure in a thousand ways, some acceptable to the mainstream and some not, but it's the pressure that's wrong, not us. If we hide these mental or physical scars then to some extent we increase the shame we are expected to feel because we hide it. Mental illness will affect most people at some point and if they don't get it now, they'll get it later.

I certainly understand the negative response to positive situations. I feel on the other side of the glass with stuff like that, but I increasingly accept it for what it is. We can't switch it off on demand sadly, we have to let life take its course and roll with the things we learn that make it more possible to be natural.

We are all survivors in here, and I'm proud of all of us. Intensely so. To get this far, to be sharing and reaching out with the understanding to connect in here is a huge step.

[DecimalRocket]

Is it overwhelming? Yes, it can be. I wasn't able to answer that question immediately since my nervousness around it caught up to me. My body tenses up, and I just want to hide. Distract. Forget. Disappear. I get calmer talking to people with practice though. I guess I just have to let myself struggle through it slowly.