hi

[hashichickau]

Hi. I haven't been diagnosed but I think im going through something. My husband kicked me out in November last year. He kept on accusing me of cheating. He was very contolling and started pushing me. He said at first that he was bluffing and just wanted to feel loved and needed by me.He is now saying that he politely asked me to leave and come back when I want to be in a relationship. And im probably feeling like a victim. This is my second relationship with domestic violence. My first one nearly strangled me.I had the flash backs with the first one.  But this one I just feel numb. I dont feel connected at all. I feel like everything wasn't real. Im seeing a psychologist soon. I dont have thoughts of suicide now but when I was with him and he was accusing meall the time I felt like dying. Anyway thanks for listening.

[schrödinger's cat]

Hi hashichickau, pleased to meet you. What you've gone through sounds harrowing. Truly crazy-making behaviour on the part of your ex. I'm glad that you're out of there. 

This probably doesn't help, but from what I know, feeling numb after an ordeal is normal. It's simply another consequence of a massive emotional injury. That doesn't make it any easier to bear, and it doesn't tell us automatically how to fix it. But when I was numb, I felt like I was doing something wrong and should fix this right now, so there was all that added panic on top of my PTSD. Seeing it as a sign of injury helped me live with it, at least a little.

[Kizzie]

Hi Hashi  - a warm welcome to OOTS  and a for all that you've ensured and are still dealing with.

You don't need an "official'' diagnosis to belong here, but you may want to read through some of the symptoms of CPTSD to see if they sound like what you are experiencing - http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=22.0   Most of us know quickly that we're in the right place once we read about them - for many of us it's the first time we've found an explanation for all that we've been feeling and while it might be hard to accept, it can be a relief at the same time. 

It's great that you are looking out for yourself and will be seeing a psychologist. That and reaching out here are BIG steps that take courage so