CSA and EFs

[gypsydancer]

I am an older male trying to survive child SA at less than 2 years old. Unfortunately my trigger is having sex with my girlfriend. We love to love and  take turns leading but I will have have SA memories even having sex. Needless to say, I hate the flash back.

My attempt to stop the depression is running 6 miles. I run and work out to be attractive on the dance floor but I am afraid of women I meet. So I attract what I'm trying to flush out of my mind.
Or an I missing something?

[Kizzie]

Hi GypsyDancer -  It's common to try and shove down or away the feelings from past trauma.  You're in the right place to begin to let it rise to the surface and start defueling the memories and integrating them.

Have you been to a therapist?  That may be helpful as well.

[Elphanigh]

Hello GypsyDancer, I want to first tell you that your are not alone in this struggle. It was something that took me quite a while to grow comfortable with. It now happens less often, if at all when I have sexual partners, but it took a very kind and understanding partner to heal that's particular thing. I think being here will help, and talking about it with your girlfriend would be super important if you haven't.

Like Kizzie, I will always suggest a therapist if you can. I hope that opening up about this can help