Hi

[JulieS911]

I was diagnosed with CPTSD in 2011 after suffering a breakdown and ending up spending 3 months in hospital.
I had a very traumatic childhood with abusive parents. My Mum abused me emotionally and physically and my Dad abused me sexually. I left home at 15 and lived on the streets for a while, often getting myself into abusive relationships.
I married and had 3 wonderful children. My husband was 9 years older than me and very controlling. As I grew older and stronger he made things very hard for me. Eventually in 2001 he attacked me, brutally raped me and abandoned me with my children. He went to live abroad.
It was after the rape that I began to piece together issues from my childhood - I would have nightmares and flashbacks of my husband raping me and my Dad would suddenly be there too. It was a very confusing time.
I began to self harm and on a few occasions have tried to end my life and all my emotions became very overwhelming.
I have been having trauma therapy for the past two years and have done some sessions of EMDR. I still have nightmares nearly every night and wake up with wet beds which is very distressing. I am trying to set my alarm for the middle of the night to pre-empt the nightmares but that often makes me anxious and unsettled.
I have recently heard that my ex-husband is moving back into the country and that is very unsettling.
Would love to stop the nightmares - am working on getting my psychiatrist to prescribe prozasin but he says he doesnt know enough about it. I have worked hard to wean myself off all meds at present.
I struggle with low self esteem flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety and self harm. I need to learn to like myself and to look after myself better

[Kizzie]

Hi Julie and a very warm welcome to OOTS  I am so sorry to hear of all that you have endured and the legacy of your family and exH.  It's great that you are in therapy with a T who is trained to deal with trauma and that you have an accurate diagnosis.  I don't know if being here and sharing your experiences with people who truly understand from the inside out will help, but generally members do find some relief in the support and encouragement they find here.  I hope the same is true for you 

[Rain]

Welcome and nice to meet you, JulieS911.   I am glad you found OOTS, and there are common souls, and healing to be found here.   You are not alone.

Grace and healing in your Journey,

Rain   

[JulieS911]

Thanks for the warm welcome - it's good to find a place where I can share what I'm going through without being judged or dismissed
It means a lot

[Gashfield]

Hi Julie

I can relate a lot to what you are experiencing.  I can hear how much you want to make it stop.  The nightmares can really take their toll.  I remember when I was in an extended emotional flashback, they were so bad and so frequent, I didn't want to go to sleep at night.  I stayed up as much as possible playing computer games.  I also have difficulty looking after myself when I am in an EF, I forget meds, food, sleep.  I hope you find what you are looking for on this site and you get a reprieve in your symptoms soon, and I'm glad you're getting some outside help too right now

G