Mixed messages- why are professionals so split?

[Andyman73]

SAL27,
I believe you, truly and completely. I have been living with ptsd since 1994. I now know that it's cptsd. Not till last year, when nearly all of my memories came back, did I learn that my trauma experience stretches back 42 years to when I was 2 years old. I wasn't looking for anything, but was triggered while doing a mandatory online training at work, about workplace sa and harassment.  It didn't do anything till the 3rd day after the training. Now I have to keep it all under lock and key, and strictly controlled. Which I'm no good at. Anyway, it's more than I can handle.

I had a therapist from the Veterans Hospital, who just retired last week, without telling me, after 3 years. He was pretty good, but really didn't understand or get what I've been through...and that's just talking about what happened while I was in the U.S. Marines. Living under constant threat of death and much worse, from one of my abusers, even as a Marine, is so much more traumatizing than he was allowing for.  It was only at the last 2 sessions that I even mentioned my childhood. 

While I never felt dismissed, I surely felt misunderstood and way out of his league. Also same for a therapist I had for 6 months through private insurance. She was also good, but way out of her league as well. I am seeing a new t on Monday, after 3 months of no t. I really hope she has some understanding of cptsd and extensive trauma as well.   We all need to feel heard and validated by the professionals we see for help and treatment, otherwise they are just retraumatizing us.

[Cygnus]

I can't believe there's still so much ignorance about repressed memories. Knowledge of it has been around forever and there's tons of scientific proof.  This ignorance is so damaging and wrong. They just let others tell them what to believe and don't look into it themselves.    Doesn't anyone care about reality, facts, science, and most of all the victims of abuse?   

[Andyman73]

Cygnus,
Many do believe, but are too afraid of their professional selves being misaligned by following their hearts, instead of going with the flow. I think maybe that they don't realize how much harm they are doing to us, by denying what we know to be true...because we are still living it.

I never ever doubted anyone's claims of not remembering, or remembering something so lost and forgotten. While I never remembered my own abuse, all my life, I always felt somehow, that others were telling the truth about this.

[SE7]

Hi SAL27, I can so relate to your post, because I had a repressed body memory come up during bodywork many years ago, and told a T about it (a male T) who told me "even if it's true, it's best to leave it in the past - it might not be true so it's better to just leave it alone" - I was like, huh? Nice solution!

I have been to many T's in the past, but I have not been to any since I became conscious of what I believe happened to me at about age 6 (and possibly multiple times much younger). Part of my memory is blacked out, but the physical memory is vivid, always has been. I don't listen to or trust T's for the final word on anything in my life and you know why? Because every single one of them never properly diagnosed me with what I now know is C-PTSD! How could they not have figured out that my family are N/B PDs? How could they not tell I was a survivor of psych. abuse? I find it infuriating. I got every other diagnosis based on symptoms like anxiety & depression & codependency. But it had to take me into middle age to finally realize the real problem? And I had to figure it out on my own? Yes! This is why I honestly don't care if I never go to another T again. Part of me thinks it could help if I present them with what I know first & they're willing to work with it, but part of me doesn't care & just wants to therapize myself.

I would say trust your gut instinct, you know on some level even if it's not consciously clear. The body knows, the heart knows, the emotions know.